Wednesday, October 27, 2010

has it been a month?

Well my eating plan is fairly well wrecked this past month; something about turning my whole life upside down has not been compatible to Extremely Healthy Diet.  As I celebrate one "last time" in my life after another, I find myself indulging, A LOT.  The plan is when I get to Chicago (moving Saturday) I can return to some semblance of the eating plan. 

Praying I won't be totally derailed.

Thursday, September 30, 2010

exquisite food ruins one for mc donald's

I've been away from the blog for almost 2 weeks now, mostly because I've been in a major whirlwind, between the pace at work and suddenly moving out of my apartment.  This has been a period of mostly just work and sleep - which is fine, because it's temporary.

This week, I've been going straight from work to my apartment to clean it out and clean it up, having moved to the spare bedroom in the home of some friends (the price of being released from one's lease early sometimes looks like this, but there are worse fates in life than a month with great friends, eh?)  There's been more to do than time to do it, which has utterly wrecked my eating plan. 

The thing about the plan I devised it that it requires a bit of planning and shopping, as well as time for prep and time to sit down and really enjoy the meal.  I've lacked these elements this week, which has meant some trips through the McDonald's drive through (3 this week, actually....2 of which were my lunch and dinner yesterday). 

I can remember being a child and ADORING McDonald's, primarily, I suppose, because I was raised on good, home-cooked food and this was different than that.  And it was a rare treat, not an everyday occurance.  And it was in the time when, I suspect, even fast food employees cared about producing a good product (an element pretty much absent today at most any Mc Donald's nationwide, I suspect).

For lunch I tried to be good in a bad setting, as I needed to eat while driving to and from an errand I was doing.  I asked for the grilled chicken and the gal behind the register looked at me like I had 2 heads.  I have no idea why this was so hard, but after a bit of discussion she decided I needed the chicken club.  I ordered a strawberry smoothie, too, realizing it's quite likely not really all fruit and I was probably doing the big no-no....SUGAR...but was just in too much of a hurry to work it through.

Eating while driving is so un-gratifying, eh?  I opened the sandwich and directed crabby thoughts at the cook, who apparently couldn't even TRY to make it look like a sandwich rather than a messy pile smooshing out the corner of its box.  Quite a bit of poking and rearranging later, it was mostly edible, though pieces of it kept trying to fall in my lap.  In theory it was a decent choice:  grilled chicken, tomato, lettuce, onion, bun seemed to be whole wheat.  The swiss and bacon were not great choices I guess, and were darn near impossible to keep out of my lap (maybe my guardian angel was shoving them off to save me calories?  LOL) 

Nonetheless it was highly unimpressive, and really too big (which didn't stop me from eating the whole thing - eating, driving, and focusing on portion control is apparently 1 simultaneous task too many for this blonde). 

After work I drove through and gave up on good choices...lunch had been almost $8 and disappointing.  I got the quarter pound cheeseburger meal with a bottle of water.  Sandwich  Fine.  Fries had clearly been reheated...and in old oil, to boot.  I know this from my days working that Tastee Freez as a teen...there comes a time when the oil really MUST be changed, and reheated fries always are hard and tasteless. 

Like the fat girl I am, I bitched to myself the whole time while I polished off every single bite.

All in all a disappointing turn of events, but you know what?  It's okay.  The good things are:

1.  I did it only from being in a hurry (one can shove down a quarter pounder while driving in about 5 or 6 blocks' drive time, as opposed to the 25 minutes needed to make and really enjoy a good salad) and from the simple fact that there was no food, no dishes, no nothing at the apartment where I was working.  IT WAS NOT A BINGE or temptation, I didn't feel compelled.  Was simply a "be practical for the moment" issue, and it worked, and I'm over it.

2.  If I WERE going to be tempted by McDonald's, I'd say yesterday whacked a huge dent in any such future temptation. 

3.  It made me absolutely glory in today's lunch at the Bistro, which was typical fare for my lunch-at-work.  My own table, a good book, half a Greek salad (beautiful, gorgous, spectacular food), and the cottage cheese/fruit plate.  A HUGE pile of food, all of which loves my body and makes me feel good.  Tall glass o' water.  Time to read, to stare out the sliding glass door at the breeze in the tree branches and the sunlight on the flowers....all of these things revive me and restore me infinitely more than crappy fast food or another hit of caffeine-loaded diet soda would. 

All of which, I guess, is continued evidence that God is making what looks like a real and lasting change in my attitudes about food.

Good stuff, eh?

Sunday, September 19, 2010

continued attitude shift, and cooking for company

Had a day and a half of meetings for work on Friday and Saturday.  Huge boxes of donuts were brought in for breakfast.  Noticed again the shift happening in me (must be answered prayer, cuz I have NEVER been able to choose this kind of thinking):  I looked at them and thought, "that would be really bad for my body."  Yes, I still know they are delicious.  But...that somehow now matters less to me than their effect on my health.  CRAZY STUFF!  I love it.  Thank you, God. 

I have company coming today.  It's been a bit of a challenge, thinking through cooking for company.  I eat some truly strange combinations and call them meals - for instance, the other night I ate a baked sweet potato and a pile of oven-roasted brussels sprouts, with a glass of milk.  It was yummy and complete to me, but you don't really feed a meal like that to company!  LOL  And my habit has been to feed really high fat/high carb meals for company.  Takes a whole new approach, doing life this way.

Did some googling (oh Google, how I love you so....) and found a couple of low-fat, hearty recipes - a black bean chili that had me looking for (and finding!) one bottle of dark beer at almost midnight in the grocery store, and a sort of stew with lentils, sweet potatoes, and chicken in it.  I love cooking for company so much - can't wait to see how these come off.  

Anyway I think we'll manage eating healthy and still being a treat, not a hardship.  

Nice that it is possible!

Friday, September 17, 2010

tired = hungry, it seems

Been working a string of ten to twelve hour days.  I'm not having a problem with great temptation to eat foods that are off my plan...but...definitely sometimes when I'm really tired and overwhelmed, I DO find myself indulging in a heckuva big ol' pile o' veggies.  Seems I'm pretty attached to my comfort food.

Today I was in a meeting that included boxed lunches.  I was last in line for mine (no one who knows me well will be surprised by that).  Nothing even close to my plan.  Huge hoagies all on white bread.  Potato salad that seemed to have sugar in it.  Doritos.  Cookies.

So I just ate it and named it my grace day for the week.  Hey...pretty cool that I still had a grace day left on day 6 of 7, eh?

Sleep-deprived to the point of sick to my stomach.  Gonna go work on that.  I keep thinking about the studies I've read that say lack of sleep can impeded weight loss.  

Monday, September 13, 2010

here's to a good week ahead!

Last night was the bi-weekly weigh-in at our COWS meeting.  I've lost another 3 pounds.  Here's the cool thing about that:  I can remember when I'd have been very discouraged about losing "only" 3 pounds in 2 weeks...especially after having lost 14 in the first round.  But the simple fact is that I feel SO MUCH BETTER than I did a month ago.  I feel lighter, less clumsy, less tired.  My clothes are baggier and I noticed last night my face is thinner too.  AND I totally love eating this way - it's so nice to feel good about a meal and what it's doing to my body, instead of that icky guilt that follows the junk food pig-out.  

So it's "only" 3 pounds?  

Dude, I'll take it!

Friday, September 10, 2010

...hey....?! COOL!

I was packing last night for a road trip.  My travelling companion had requested snacks:  Pepsi, Funyons, Beef Jerky.  Wandering through the grocery store last night, I had a revelation:  everything I was putting in my cart for ME for the exceedingly abundantly good for me.  No junk.  I realized this matters to me now. 

That's a far cry from looking for low-calorie stuff and just thinking about sending the fat away.

Looks like God is shifting my priorities.  I LIKE IT.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Okay, I laughed LOUD...awesome marketing...

baby carrots in a whole new light...3, actually<<

Also...I have enabled comments without having to sign in, just so ya know.

soup so good you could eat it with a spoon...?!

Experimenting with font today as a friend tells me the gray was too hard to read on the background.  Let me know about this one, okay?

Eating plan is still working.  Definitely still learning about this portion control thing.  At yesterday's lunch in the bistro, I substituted tomato soup in for the rice.  With it came...2 packets of crackers.  My natural tendency is to put so many crackers in my tomato soup that one could almost eat it with a fork.  Yesterday's experiment:  just 2 little saltines in the bowl (as I write this I'm asking myself...Karen, aren't saltines white flour?  hmmm...ooops....)

Anyway yesterday I learned that I CAN indeed back off even on things like that...soup was good.  

Running late for my early start.  Happy day, all!

Saturday, September 4, 2010

nice day and a God project

Really great day.  Started with some "awesome God" stuff that left me crying all the tears out of my head.  Continued with my son coming to lunch - he's on the same track that I am, eating-wise, so it was easy, fun, and a pleasure to whip up something for the 2 of us.  Afternoon of catching up on laundry and other small assorted things.  Food's been easy today.  Looking in the fridge, and checking my bank balance...hmmm...there may be challenges between here and payday!

Oh well, I'll just take that one to the Lord.

Friday, September 3, 2010

better coping techniqes

I stopped for food on the way home from work tonight.  I was exhausted and could feel that it would be very easy for me to just go get a large pizza and eat the whole damned thing myself.  Instead I hit the freezer section and got some lovely stir fry...wandered through another aisle to find sugar-free lemonade (sometimes I am just TIRED of water and milk all the time...and don't really need soda...)  Last of all:  sugar free chocolate pudding mix, cuz I was feeling the longing for sweet and of course I've been out of sweets since the infamous day of falling/diving off the wagon.  

Dug a candle out of the closet (somehow I have lived here 7 months and hadn't unpacked candles yet from the last move), turned down the lights, and found the most soothing music I know.  

Being very good to my very tired self.

This feels so much better than a binge. 

Thursday, September 2, 2010

notch this, baby

Today was yet another working lunch - happily there were good choices available again, and it wasn't hard to skip the bag of chips that was offered.  

My belt tells astonishing tales of late.  Awhile back when I was working out faithfully, I had gone 2 notches smaller on it.  Right before I started COWS, I had moved back out those 2 notches - a very depressing development, indeed.  

Monday it was moved back in a notch.

This morning, another!

So I guess I've regained the ground most recently lost in the battle.  

Most importantly, I'm loving the eating plan.  It works in my life.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

i'll take mine black, thanks

I have substantially less sugar in my life these days than usual.  I didn't realize before limiting myself to 3 sweets a week exactly how much sugar was sprinkled all the way across most of my days.  

Tonight I was in a meeting and got a tickle in my of those that threatens to just never go away, you know?  There was hot coffee in a carafe right in front of me...decaf, even.  A hot drink ALWAYS does the trick for me with the terminal throat tickle.  I looked around...within arm's reach was the real sugar.  The substitutes, though...nothing even remotely accessible without making a big clumsy scene amidst important conversation.  I generally dump 2 or 3 packets of sweetener in a small styrofoam don't even want to know how many I put in a big coffee mug.

So I poured myself half a cup and drank it straight.  Let me tell you that awhile back I joined some of my Sunday school kids in a test of the theory that switched my mom from doctored coffee to black, back when I was a little girl...someone told her and a friend that if you drink it black for 2 weeks, you learn to love it that way.  I remember those 2 weeks (I was a nosy little kid always lurking around to overhear what the grownups discussed).  And mom always took her coffee black after that.  

So anyway, I told my class that story and the next thing you know they were trying the 2 week I tried it with them.  It worked for some of them.  But it didn't work for me, despite the fact that I gave it more like a month.  I learned to be able to swallow it without shuddering, but it still bad.  I used that to teach the kids:  don't form a 30+ year bad habit - it's harder to break than one you've had for 1 year or 2.  

Tonight, though...the black was fine!  I mean, I wasn't like, "YUM" was fine.  Enough so that I poured another half cup and drank it too.  My throat was much better, and my brain was abuzz with amazement about not hating on the unsweetened coffee.

The lesson here seems to be that stripping my sugar down to almost making me more receptive to other tastes.

That's pretty nifty, eh?

battles about nothing and moving right along

Yesterday was another lunch meeting at work.  I was a bit worried about it, because I was having a very hungry day and we know how well I managed temptation the day before.  Emailed a friend to pray, and I also was praying as a steady backdrop to my morning.

Lunch was good choices and right portions.  But my dread was...dun dun duh....dessert!  Someone at the table speculated that it might be cheese cake.  Let me tell you, a battle happened within me between Karen Who Wants to Stick to the Plan and Karen Who Wants Whatever Is in Front of Her.  I prayed, prayed, prayed.  And came to a place of peace - I could turn down the cheesecake.  It wouldn't be easy, but I felt the resolve happen in me and it was good.

After all that drama...there was no dessert offered.


Pondering the blues of the day before yesterday - causes, effects, etc.  

No answers there.

Here's to Wednesday!

Monday, August 30, 2010

thar she blows, the soup of penitence, and the moody blues

...And of course...temptation follows success. 

And upon meeting temptation, I fail.  Bleh.

Of course I was feeling pretty good about that unbelievable 14-pounds-lost revelation of yesterday, and about not even using up my grace day on Sunday as well.

Enter:  Monday.

We had a very long meeting at work today; part of that was the whole team enjoying lunch at the Bistro, outside even, in the sunshine!  I wasn't worried about it this morning; it is very easy to order good choices at the Bistro.  I was slightly chagrined when I noted I had forgotten my hard boiled egg snack - knew that meant I'd be arriving at 12:30 lunch very hungry.

Here's the thing:  we have this awesome chef there.  He is a true artist, passionate about his work.  Listening to him describe the food he's making can melt me into a puddle.  He is the bomb.  He tends to get excited about special meetings with meals in them.  He gets creative.  He goes over the top.  It is BEYOND delicious - this I know from a multitude of experiences. 

Today he got excited about making the team a special lunch.  Chicken Monterey, which is chicken mixed up with some vegetables, cheese, and stuffing inside a puff pastry shell. Grilled seasoned shrimp, absolutely to die for.  Steamed broccoli.  Au Gratin potatoes.  I did a good thing in giving away the bread that came with my dinner salad, but then that puff pastry pushed me right over the edge.  I had enjoyed a cookie before lunch (they are in baskets on all the tables and they are never not delicious), telling myself I was using one of my "sweets" but it would be okay.  

Yeah.  After savoring every heavenly bite of that Chicken Monterey AND the Au Gratin potatoes...DUDE...I was shot.  The waitresses brought dessert around on the trays and I enjoyed a piece of chocolate pie and split a lemon bar with a co-worker, per her request (I'm just naturally giving like that, apparently.)  

So I guess it turned out well that I had forgotten to pack my afternoon snack.  Sheesh.

Tonight I've been penitent.  Came home and just had some nut crackers and a bowl of amazing-but-good-for-me soup with some skim milk.  The soup is a wonder - it was part of my effort to get busy cleaning out the accumulated stuff in my freezer before I move away.  I found frozen tomatoes, cabbage, and chicken breasts.  Tossed them in a pot over the weekend with some onion and a healthy dose of Jamaican Jerk Rub.  Cooked for many hours and eventually pulled the chicken bones out when the meat just basically fell off of them.  Ummm golly SO MUCH FLAVOR in that soup, and a big bowl is a ton of veggies and maybe half a serving of chicken.  So that works.  

Currently having an argument with myself about how to interpret the day.  I mean, YES it clearly has to count as my grace day.  But:  I'm suspecting I need to surrender to the idea that I have also used up ALL 3  of my "sweets" options for the week.  I HATE that idea and am fighting against it for all I'm worth.  Lord, convict me please.

Furthermore, I am down in the dumps.  I didn't really realize it until now.  I came home and texted my friend, with whom I had planned a bike ride, and begged off on account of cloudy skies and my overpowering desire to be in bed by 8 PM.  I was thinking I was just tired and withdrawn.  Realizing now that I think I'm in a funk about the big lunch blowout.  

And right now, all I feel like doing about that is going to bed.


Sunday, August 29, 2010


Reasons to celebrate:

1.  This is the first Sunday since I started this eating plan that I haven't needed to use my "grace day" right up immediately on day 1 of the week.   My Sunday School class and I visited another church in the last of our church visits related to our ten-month "Survey of the Faith" series.  Getting the kids was a 45-minute trip; getting to the church was another 45 minutes.  I went heavy on the proteins this morning for breakfast and that sustained me through awesome church that lasted until 1 PM.  We did lunch out at Subway - easy to get a perfectly wonderful salad there with some sun chips and a no-sugar lemonade.  Snacked on a hard-boiled egg and then had lots of veggies with a wee bit of soy pasta and 6 shrimp for supper.  I'm not even using up one of my sweets for the week.  YAY for a well-disciplined Sunday!

2.  Tonight was my COWS meeting.  It was time for all of us to weigh.  I did this in a very non-dieter fashion...weighed at 5 PM, with my shoes on, having consumed a quart of water directly before arriving at the meeting.  Hey...guess what?  I find it nearly impossible to comprehend this, but:  I lost 14 pounds in the last 2 weeks.  NO KIDDING!

No big spiritual insights tonight.  I'm still in the Zone of Awesomeness, and my eating plan feels like the lap of luxury...just like the whole rest of my life, which seems to be a fantastic series of superlatives.

Ridin' that pink cloud as far as it will take me!

Thursday, August 26, 2010

less is more

I am finding, as I stick to portion control, that I'm really learning to enjoy each bite.  A bad thing thing that comes from a decades-long habit of extreme overeating is that one develops such a focus on the next bite, the next course, is there enough for seconds, what's for dessert, will this be good as a leftover...on and on....that it's easy to not notice THIS bite.  

Now when I know at the start that "this is it" and I'm not going to load up a second plate or find dessert or whatever...well, it makes THIS bite the focus of my attention.  

Food, after all, is not evil.  Like money, it's the excessive desire for it that is the trap.  

So at lunch today I really noticed what has been happening for a little while now:  I was stopping to really savor each bite, taking my time, in no hurry to get to the end.  

Which soaked me in gratitude.  

And that's where it's at!

Wednesday, August 25, 2010


Okay, so...switching to a more spiritual-based focus for the blog...why is that hard?!  Journaling my intake is easy.  It also ain't exactly scintillating reading (though of course entertainment is not the primary goal here...just a hoped-for side benefit). Most importantly, while an eating journal is an important tool, I just think making that the point of the blog...discounts the spiritual aspect we are going for with our COWS approach.

My eating has been on track.  And it has mostly not been hard at all.  This might be in part because of the allowances I made myself (a grace day, 3 sweets a week) but I suspect the ease actually is spiritually based as well.

Here's the thing:  I'm kind of in a Zone of Awesomeness in life right now.  A decade-long dream is coming true in my life - one that I surrendered as dead and gone just 8 months ago.  So the usual craving/hunger in me to be filled...well, just now it ain't there.  I'm like...filled to overflowing with Jesus stuff, you know?  I'm kind of in first love/head over heels/starry-eyed mode for the moment.  There's no room just now for the empty yawning space that screams "fill me with carbs and hurry up about it!"  

It feels kind of like a cheat, you know?  Because I'm not tormented by fantasies of foods that aren't on my eating plan.  If it's not hard, it can't be good...that's not necessarily true, but it's what the part of me that whispers, "Karen, you surely must be cheating" believes.

I think I'll enjoy it while it lasts, this business of being overstuffed with Jesus mode.  What I know about life and about me is that it tends to be cyclical...and sooner or later life will most likely find a way to derail my feeling of fullness that currently so skillfully holds the hungry beast within me at bay.  I think I need to practice good habits HARD now and hope filling with Him gets to be enough of a go-to that I don't fall off into oblivion whenever it the stuff next hits the fan. 

Sunday, August 22, 2010

grace day, and a wish to shift the focus

Today my plans were to visit some great friends after church.  When I reminded my friend I was coming to her house, she gladly let menu:  fried pizzas, homemade peach cobbler, homemade ice cream.  

Wooooo DOGgies!

See, this is why I built in the grace day.  If I married myself to absolutely no variation ever, then my choices would be:
                *back out of coming, so I could go home and eat veggies
                *rush to the grocery store and bring my own food to her house (not awkward at all, eh?!)
                *choose to "fast" during the visit (everyone loves a faster amidst the feast...)
I guess I like my choice of going, eating reasonable portions, and enjoying the day.  Hallelujah for a grace day!

On another note, it begins to distress me that I'm letting this blog slide into only food journaling.  COWS is certainly not supposed to be just another diet plan.  This is a SPIRITUAL approach; I find that my blog is not really going that direction.  

Noting it, praying about it, and hoping to shift the focus starting tomorrow.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

nice remainder of the day

Visited my parents and my sister's family at the campground where they like to weekend.  Lovely time of sitting in the afternoon breeze, chatting and in on hurry to go anywhere.

Dinner from the grill - fish and chicken, along with fresh tomato slices and a careful 1-serving of beans & rice.  

Snack when I got home - bowl of granola cereal with some milk.  

Totals look decent to me for the day!

Ahhh sweet sleep...come and meet with me now.

i love you, saturday

What a great day.  Slept in.  Blogged big news.  Checked out a health food store with Ashely and brought home all kinds of wonderful things.  Salad feast for lunch with her.  And now I'm headed out to visit my parents at their campground.  Yuppers, life is good.

I found a non-caloric sweetener at Great Grains called "Sweeten Me" all-natural sweetener crystals that looks interesting.  I brought a box home and we'll see how this goes.  

Food thus far:

Breakfast - bowl of granola with milk (measured carefully to stay at 1 serving of each) and a cup of hot green tea sweetened with the pink stuff.

Snack - a cup of cantaloupe

Lunch - chicken breast cooked in olive oil, hard boiled egg, baby carrots, and a salad made of organic lettuce, spinach, tomato, olives, walnuts, feta, purple onion and a wee bit of garlic vinaigrette dressing.  About a cup of cantaloupe.  Also, some crackers I found - Almond Nut-Thins, low sodium with a hint of Sea Salt.  I felt dubious about them but having something crunchy crackerish on hand seems good, and these are wheat/gluten-free.  Low calorie and I'm guessing low carb, though I don't know that for sure, I guess.  The first one was...a surprise, because it was edible (I truly expected horrible.)  They grew on me fast; I'm lovin' em. 

Will take a hard boiled egg and some carrots for a snack on the drive. 

So today's summary thus far including the snack I've not yet had:  2 breads, 4 fruits, 3.5 proteins, 5 veggies, 1 milk.  

Happy Saturday, all!

Friday, August 20, 2010

iffy day

Hmm it was an iffy day, food-wise.

Breakfast:  toast, peanut butter, a treat of peach jam for one of my "sweets" options, skim milk, and green tea.

It was a coworker's birthday; she had brought...DUNKIN DONUTS.  Oh golly.  I've long thought those were the best donuts of all.  I tormented myself a bit and then decided to eat one, thereby using up ALL the rest of my sweets for the week.  Also resolved to have no more bread today, to compensate (I think I should count it as a bread in addition to being 2 sweets).  Truth:  it was fresh and very wonderful.  

Lunch was a working lunch.  I was very distracted and forgot, while ordering, that I was out of red meat options this week.  So, I enjoyed half a steak salad (picked every last crouton off) and a bowl of fresh fruit.

Hard boiled egg for a snack.

Supper was half a dozen boiled shrimp, a chopped tomato, and a lovely plate of green beans with half a potato, a bit of onion, a sprinkle of parmesan and...1 slice of chopped bacon.  Cuz I decided I had already blown the red meat thing.  It wasn't so much bacon, but it was a deliberate, calculated step off the path, just on account that I had already done so today.

That's how I got this way in the first place.  Bad choice.

Summary for the day:

bread 2, protein 4.5, sweets 3, milk 1, veggie 6, fruit 1

So my snack tonight will be yogurt/berries/the wee-est bit of cereal. 

That's enough on food.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

saw the Book of Eli tonight

Dinner in COWS mode was good - both the food and the conversation.  

Tilapia baked with a sun dried tomato marinade, salad with just a little bit of caesar dressing, summer squash and zucchini squash.  

Drank my 30 oz of water perhaps times two today.

Snack when I got home:  1/2 serving vanilla no-sugar yogurt, 1/2 cup berries, 1/4 cup cereal.  I get something sweet without using one of my 3 per week sweet options.  YAY!

Summary for the day:

4 protein, 2.5 bread, 2.5 dairy, 3 fruit, 7 veg

Which, I think, fits the plan!

Having a good day.

Breakfast the usual - toast, peanut butter, skim milk plus the usual add-ons of juice and green tea

Snack a hard boiled egg

Lunch - turkey and pepper jack cheese on a slice of bread with brown mustard.  2 nice size garden tomatoes.  Half a cup of cantaloupe.  What a feast.

Taking baby carrots back to work for my afternoon snack, though they do tend to be a bit awkward to eat at the desk (can you say MOUTHFUL OF CRUNCHINESS?!)

Eating dinner tonight at the home of Stacy, another of the COWS.  Menu sounds fantabulous and well within my paramters.  Watching the Book of Eli, too, about which I am quite excited!

I discovered just now that I think I've been having a wrong double standard on serving sizes.  I have been counting fruit serving sizes as half a cup, but veggies as a whole cup.  Looking further, I think veggies are half a cup too.  Which means I've been eating a spectacular number of servings of veggies. LOL  I discovered this directly AFTER gloriously enjoying 2 tomatoes with salt and pepper.  Ah well, no harm done, methinks, since I don't have a limit on (non-starchy) vegetables.

Life is good.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

examining violations as i summarize the day

The end of my day went pretty well, eating-wise, though I had a couple of violations of my plan.  I went out to visit my parents, and stayed for supper.  My mom has lost a tremendous amount of weight and cooks healthy.  The food was all good choices:

grilled lean pork chops (I had half of one, which was my first violation, since I'm out of red meat for the week - gotta pray about whether I need to do something to compensate for that, but feeling pretty good about only eating half of one - it was SO GOOD.)

corn on the cob from the garden (I had one ear with a tiny smidge of spray butter....since I had a sweet potato for lunch, I was out of "starchy veggies" for the day, so this was also a violation.)

sliced tomatoes from the garden WOW  yum

fresh green beans from the garden WOW yum again

So my tallies for the day:  1 bread, 1 fruit, 1 milk, 3.5 protein, and 8, yes EIGHT servings of vegetables!   And yes, I drank my 30 ounces of water - and had no soda today.

I'm thinking the light numbers on the first 3 compensate for the red meat - so I'm not going to do anything else to compensate for the variation/violation that happened today.

Onward and upward!

a prayer, and a midday summary

So, the point of COWS is that eating is a spiritual matter, not just a "rearranging the diet" matter.  Which means our aim is prayer and leaning hard into God, not obsessing.  To that end, a prayer, for those times when I'm not feeling spontaneous prayer:

Lord, I thank You for the gift of Your presence, and that You always welcome me in.

I thank You for the gift of this body, and for the miraculous way it works. 

I thank You for the gift of good food, and for the way You supply it for the nourishment of my body and even pleasure to my senses. 

I know that like sex and sunshine and so many other great gifts You give, food can be harmful to this body when used outside its proper context, or when made more important in my life than You. 

Lord You and I both know how often I live in that “outside the context” zone, where food is concerned.  Please break my heart today regarding the comfort, ease, and cavalier attitude I feel in staying there.  Thank You for loving me enough to leave me no peace there.   

Please teach me deep and true gratitude for this body, that I might treasure the gift enough to stop destroying it daily with my disobedience.

Please grant me the courage to see what I’m really looking for when I crave the binge.  Please grant me the strength to tell another of the COWS what I see.  Please grant me the fortitude to really repent.  Please teach me to cling to You above all other things.  ALL OTHER THINGS.

Most of all, please be glorified in my body, in my mind, and in my life.

In Jesus’ Name. 

Okay so thus far today I have had:

breakfast - toast, peanut butter, cup of skim milk, 1/2 cup of wild berry pomegranate juice, cup of hot green tea, sweetened with the pink stuff

no snack, cuz today is an early lunch day

lunch - 4 oz chicken breast cooked in a tiny bit of olive oil, baked sweet potato topped with 1/2 serving of nonfat greek yogurt (my first time trying it...I RECOMMEND as a good substitute for sour cream), killer gigantic half-plate pile of steamed broccoli with 1 tsp butter and sprinkled with parmesan, and half a cup of skim milk to drink

afternoon snack will be a hard-boiled egg and a baggie of baby carrots

Back sometime after dinner! 

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

late report

Well it's past my bedtime and I've been busy about much.  Nodding off now and tempted not to track, but I recall how hard it is to dig up yesterday's menu tomorrow.  Here was my intake for the day:

breakfast - toast, peanut butter, skim milk
snack - hard boiled egg, carrots
lunch - sliced turkey on a piece of bread w/brown mustard and a salad made of cucumbers, tomatoes, red and green bell peppers, purple onions, tiny little bit of pepperoni, garlic, balsamic vinegar, and olive oil
"snack" - diet pepsi
supper - the rest of that lunch salad (HUGE bowl) and a turkey mignon
snack - cup of frozen fruit, container of artificially sweetened yogurt, 1/2 cup french vanilla granola cereal
also drank my 30 oz of water today

Okay so let's summarize:

4 proteins, 3 bread/cereal, 2 dairy, 6 veggie, 2 fruit, bit of olive oil

Well that's a hair short on the fruit, but I'm feeling good about it!

Monday, August 16, 2010

biking and the rundown

I rode my bike (her name is Lulu, and if your bike doesn't have a name, I'm very sorry) three times in 24 hours:  last night after work, this morning as the sun rose, and tonight after work.  This can only happen when it doesn't rain; I'm gambling that tonight is another "no rain" night in hopes of a crack at another sunrise ride -she's out on the car in the dark, waiting for morning.

Bike riding is a fun way to get exercise.  Definitely beats forcing myself to finish 30 minutes on the elliptical machine.  I intend to take full advantage of this gorgeous weather.

Now, let's see if I can reconstruct this day, diet-wise - I do believe I stuck to program!

Breakfast - 1 slice of 12-grain whole grain toast with 2 tbsp all natural peanut butter and 1 cup milk.
Snack - 1 hard boiled egg and a pile of baby carrots
Lunch - 1 slice of that same bread with 2 oz sliced turkey, a slice of hot pepper cheese, and tomato slice; the rest of the tomato cut up; a cup of frozen fruit
"Snack" in the sleepy part of the afternoon - 1 can diet pepsi
Snack after work/before bike ride - 1 serving (carefully measured...uggg) of cereal with 1/2 cup skim milk; 1/2 cup frozen fruit
Snack after bike ride/before Bible study - 1 hard boiled egg
Supper - 1 cup fresh green beans with onion and a tiny bit of bacon (less than half an ounce); 1 zucchini cooked with 1 tomato, garlic, and sweet basil, sprinkled with parmesan and 5 slices of pepperoni (I guess that with the bit of bacon makes today my "red meat" day); 1/2 cup of cantaloupe
Drank my 30 ounces of water and more today.

So that's 6 veggies, 2 1/2 dairy, 4 fruit, 4 1/2 protein, 3 bread/cereal, tiny bit o' olive oil. 

Was never seriously hungry today, but also never stuffed. 

I guess you could say I'm happy with this day's results.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

eek and a food plan

Okay so I weighed.  Had to go to Wal-Mart (bathroom hardware section) to do it; I don't have a scale and my fitness center is on annual shutdown.  The number that rolled round was, I do believe, the highest number I've ever read there.  That's confounding because I am not the largest I've ever been.  So either I didn't weight at my fattest, or the bike riding and such is building muscle, which all dieters seem to understand is heavier than fat.  I dunno.  At any rate it's a hideous number and I've shared it with the group.  Not in the mood to put in up here just now.  The good news:  it's not pushing me into a binge.

Today was a potluck at church.  The timing of that was fortunate; I put it together with John's mantra that "the food plan will be the law" and decided to build grace into my plan.  Maybe SOMEWHERE on the planet people have potlucks with an abundance of foods that are good choices...but in my little corner, church potlucks don't.  I really wanted to go, as the cause for celebration was the installation of our new pastor.  I really didn't want to be the annoying person sitting there not eating, making everyone else feel like water buffalo.  My solution shows up in the food plan, which is copy/pasted below from what I sent to the other COWS:

I am not choosing someone else's pre-fab plan.  Customized myself one that I feel I can stick to and not run off into a train wreck.  If I find it is unhelpful, I'll tighten it down.  But what I'd like is a plan that is something I can just live for life (not only for the duration of this experiment.) 

Important element of my plan:  I have one "flex" day in it.  On that day, the only rule is moderation.  Reasonable portions, no seconds, and stopping as soon as I'm full are the only  specifics for that day.  This leaves me the flexibility for days like today, when I was going to a potluck and knew eating was going to be impossible without grace.  I can only have one flex day per week.  It re-sets every Sunday and the unused days cannot be carried forward.  The flex day is not something I "have" to have weekly, and I should not look for excuses to use it.  It's just a small grace.

Also important to note:  fasting days or portions of days is permitted (for spiritual reasons, NOT for dieting reasons).  When fasting a portion of a day, I may not make up for lost time on the meal(s) I don't fast.

Here's the deal for the other days:

*Veggies:  minimum of 6 servings per day.  Fresh or frozen, whenever possible.  Avoid sauces.  Starchy vegetables limited to 1 serving per day.   Within these parameters, veggies are basically a free food.

*Fruits:  minimum of 3 servings per day.  Fresh or frozen, whenever possible.  Avoid sweeteners.  The only limit on fruits that meet this standard:  less fruit daily than veggies.  Juice permitted (100% only) but never more than 1 serving per day except for on "juice only" fasting days.

*Meats/Proteins:  this one is more complicated:
     *minimum of 3 servings per day of:  chicken/turkey/fish neither fried nor sauced
                                                          all natural, no-sugar-added peanut butter
                                                          nuts (preferably walnuts or almonds)
                                                          dried beans
                                                          (for this category, never more than 1 serving of any one at a sitting)
     *red meat limited to twice weekly, must be lean, and absolutely no eating more than 1 serving (4 oz) at a sitting.
     *fried meats never more than once weekly, with absolutely no eating more than 1 serving (4 oz) at a sitting.

*Milk/yogurt/cheese:  minimum of 1 serving per day; maximum 3.  Milk will be skim only.  Yogurt to be unsweetened or sugar substitute. 

*Oils and fats:  stick to olive oil where possible.  Real butter acceptable but not in a "drowning" or "dripping" measure.

*Sweets:  no more than 3x weekly.  Portion to be strictly controlled (such as one 3.6 oz container of ice cream, or one of those 150 calorie individual microwave brownies, or 2 tsp jelly to go on toast, or HALF a serving of a standard dessert/donut/ monkeying with definitions of "standard."

*Bread/Cereal/Rice/Pasta:   no minimum here, simply because there is no danger I'll "under consume" this, which is perhaps my favorite category.  Maximum of 5 servings per day.  Breads, cereals, and pasta to be whole grain (or pasta can be soy).  Strict adherence to serving size.

The logic behind my "minimums" -
*having to eat more vegetables than fruits will help me get full before I go too far on the fruits
*minimums for lean meat/protein are because a bit of protein with each meal keeps me from getting excessively hungry to the temptation point
*minimums for milk is about my bones; I'm not worrying about setting it higher because I'm never tempted not to drink milk

*Caffeinated beverages:  absolute limit for any day is 12 oz. 

*Water:  minimum 30 oz. per day

Okay, that's it!

Saturday, August 14, 2010

rules of engagement, farmer's market, and one last hurrah

In my many years of wrestling with or surrendering to weight problems, I have tried all manner of solutions, from Weight Watchers to the Weigh Down Workshop to hiring a personal trainer and more.  If you've fought the battle, you know the drill, so you gotta be wondering:  what is the diet plan for COWS?

Okay here's the thing:  there is not one.  We are each responsible for coming up with our own eating plan, which we have to email to each other.  As John says, "Once the eating plan is submitted, it is LAW."  The idea behind having a plan is that it gives us parameters - less dithering at every meal or snack time about what's to eat, hence, less temptation.  I think it's pretty cool that we can each do our own thing.  I've spent quite a bit of time pondering my eating plan this week; that will be the subject of tomorrow's blog.  

Next rule:  total transparency about our actual weight.  We all have to email each other our real numbers no later than tomorrow (so honey, it AIN'T happening 'til tomorrow!)  We will weigh every 2 weeks (and of course share the number), to keep from getting overly obsessed about the scale (and to keep from pretending to ourselves if we're really not getting anywhere.)

And:  we pledge to call each other when tempted, and to talk each other off the ledge.  Also, to pray for each other daily, individually, and for ourselves to be free. 

All of this combined with a weekly meeting that promises to be both fun and horrifying (I feel no doubt that John will continue to use the Scripture Hammer on us weekly) should come together to grow us toward freedom, together.  

So, knowing that I have to start being scrupulously good tomorrow, I grabbed a friend this morning and headed for the farmer's market.  Here is the day's take:  

     The stuff in the baggie is sweet basil - mmmm GOLLY looking forward to the feast!

Later in the day I stopped by Target, where the groceries are awesomeness, and picked up a few other essentials, including but not limited to lots of frozen fruit and some pre-cooked roasted chicken breast in strips and a nice bag of shrimp.  

At this point I am definitely prepared for battle.

Chatting with Ashely afterward, I was seized by the sudden urge:  must have one last hurrah!  I'm not saying that it's good, right, or smart...but I really enjoyed the feast delivered to my door by Godfather's Pizza.  John the Exterior Conscience and I had a conversation about that much later, and he brought me back around to the place of remembering I wouldn't be so cavalier in chugging a bottle of Jack if I was seeking sobriety, and of course he is right.  Which just goes to prove, I NEED TO DO THIS.  John's idea is we should pray that God will break our hearts in this territory as His is broken.  I really hate it when he says something so smart.  

Okay, I'll do it. 

Friday, August 13, 2010


Okay when last I naked blogged, it was early February, I lived thirty miles from my current abode, and I was struggling.  

So basically, everything has changed and nothing has changed at all.

Since moving to the Quad Cities, I have taken up bicycling.  I really love it.  Hauling the bike up out of the basement, to the park and back, and down into the basement adds 30 or more minutes to my ride time, so I don't get to ride more than 2 or maybe 3 times a week.  Excellent supplemental workout, but not a good core workout. 

Eating...meh.  I discover that eating less is really easy when eating alone.  But it is by no means a cure-all.  

I WAS working out at the fitness center I joined here, most or less.  Thirty minutes on the elliptical.  It's been one thing and another that has sort of wrecked that for me since late June.  I can feel the pounds coming back on.  Watching the notches change on my belt again, this time for the wrong reason.

Some of my friends from Bible study have decided we should do a weight loss/fitness/accountability group.  John, who is The Natural Leader Among Us, appointed me to come up with the name of the group.

"Don't ask me to do that, John," I tried to warn him.  In my proud position as Insistently the Worst Attitude in the Group, I was sure to come up with a smartass name and no one needed that.  But he was all persistent, like John can be, and so I gave him what he asked for:


...also known as, COWS.

I told him we need some kind of slogan about moooving the plate away.  He told me we should work in the scripture about God owning the cattle on a thousand hills.  We speculated about whether he is "the bull" of the group, as the only guy.  We imagined a graphic:  a heifer in a bikini.

No bikini - is this bovine porn?
Suffice it to say, I laughed until my belly ached.

I thought for sure the rest of the group would put their foot down and say we must come up with something reasonable, something dignified, something...better.  But it seems they are as warped as John and I are.  So!  COWS it is! 

I missed the first meeting.  I swear it was unintentional.  Went bike riding with a friend and it all just took longer by far than I thought it would.  I checked in remotely via cell phone while driving home afterward.  It sounded like they were having fun.

John, the Ever Instructional, shared some gluttony scriptures with the group at that meeting, which Sarah faithfully emailed to all of us:

Proverbs 23:2 "Put a knife to your throat if you are given to gluttony."
Proverbs 23:20 "Do not carouse with drunkards or feast with gluttons."
Proverbs 23:21 "for drunkards and gluttons become poor, and drowsiness clothes them in rags."
Proverbs 28:7 "The one who keeps the law is a son with understanding, but a companion of gluttons shames his father."
Darn that John and his scriptures he writes out all by himself independently of God.

John makes some good points when he's not busy clobbering us with ouchy scriptures.  He notes that if an addict came to your house and said he broke his sobriety and used, you would never laugh.  You would never commiserate in a way that said, "hey, it ain't no thang."  (Hopefully) you would be broken for him, desperate for him, cry with him, pray for him, support him in his efforts to regain sobriety.  

But food's the safe sin.  It really is.  An idolatry we can all enjoy openly, giggle about, forgive, forget.

Then John Who Is Always Right points out that we mostly tend to try to lose weight for the wrong reason:  vanity.  We want to look better.  That's not exactly the ultimate humanitarian goal now, is it?  But what if I decided I need to take care of this body so it will remain alive and healthy for ministry?  So that my time and money won't be drained away by doctors, but can be used for the cause of Christ?  What if I were to choose to see it as a stewardship issue:  I was given a body "fearfully and wonderfully made"....maybe I shouldn't run it down into semi-usefulness.  And by the way, who is watching me, following my example, being inspired or dragged down by me?  It is inevitably more people than I think it is.  

So I am resolving to focus on such things and not imagine how much better I'll look in smaller jeans.  It's a better answer to that movie star question, "Where's my motivation?"

Well that's enough for tonight.  Tomorrow's blog:  the rules of engagement.  

Let's do this thing.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

snow shovel workouts

Well, I'm plugging along.  Working out consistently, though this morning's workout (and again this evening) was a snow shovel.  The cardio is not as powerful but there is movement and muscle work, and since it's only an occasional substitute, I'm willing to live with it.

Last night's surprise visitors meant Sicilian pizza for supper.  MmmmMMMMmmmmm.  Definitely not on a good diet plan.  Gonna need to rein it in and behave better than that.  

Still too busy-every-minute to track diet well.  I'm thinking after my move into town is completed, that might change.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

confidence and not foolishness?

Yesterday my mom treated at the new BBQ place here in town.  I had a smoked pork chop sandwich and the kind of fries that are potato wedges.  Not an optimal choice, I reckon.  But it sure was good.

Last night, I made up a bunch of "pudding cups" for the fridge, cuz at night I'm tending to crave sweet after dinner.  Sugar free and whatnot.  Maybe it'll do the trick.

I must be feeling very optimistic about losing weight; yesterday I checked out the new resale shop here in town and bought a lot of stuff, most of which is a bit too small for me.  My thought:  it is great stuff and it was dirt cheap...and I WILL be getting to that size.  I'm choosing to see that as confidence and not foolishness. 

Thursday, February 4, 2010

ungathered thoughts

Still not managing to track my food...I started to type the whole big explanation but it doesn't matter.  Not managing it.  I'm doing great on breakfast because I do the same thing daily.  Lunch I'm doing fine because I eat in the Bistro most days at work...amazing meals.  Like, today was talapia with wild rice and lightly steamed was delicious, properly portioned...just perfect.  Supper, I'm having variable results. I get home late, wiped out, and then there's not much in the house.  So sometimes I make good choices and sometimes not so much.  No time for snacking these days...good on one hand (less calories), bad on the other (a good diet is 5 or so "small meals" a day and I'm not doing it that way.)  

I'm so tired right now I can't remember if I blogged about this yet:  a few days ago, I shoveled snow instead of going to the Y to work out.  It was exercise, but not to the usual extent.  I felt less energetic all day.  No lie!  The stairs at work kicked my butt...and they haven't been bothering me at all most days!  Strong testimony for the power of a good cardio workout.  

Unfortunately there may be 4 inches of snow when I wake up in the morning.  If so, I'll have another date with a snow shovel.

Oh well. 

Monday, February 1, 2010

disorganized progress

Still not tracking food very well, but I've been pretty good.  Except for last night, when I was blue about some things that are very much not in my control...all I can choose to do is react well or badly.  So I treated myself to a big pile of cold shrimp and greasy fries (reacted badly) and then let it go as best I could (reacted well).  

Today is a new day.

I noticed when I put my sweats on this morning that I could SEE the weight loss.  Hey, that's fun!  So that gave me the courage to get on the scale again.  Only down by 5 pounds, but that's's visible.

Here's to Monday.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

tired happy confident

Umm.  Life is a bit of a marathon just now, as I'm finishing the one job and beginning the other at the same time.  Work and sleep,without very big intervals between.

I did work out this morning.  Treadmill again.  I'm liking it more than I did.  Also: the new job requires me to walk around the building fairly frequently.  That is MUCH better for my back (and general health) than stuck in the chair all day.  I'm lovin' it.

Last night during the State of the Union speech, I cozied up to the tape measure.  A few numbers were exactly the same, and quite a few of them were smaller (some by only less than a centimeter, some by almost 2 inches.)  One was bigger, which only goes to prove I lack skills at measuring my bust by myself.  Oh well.  

My calories should have come out okay today, I think.  Usual pre-workout and breakfast foods.  Amazing lunch at work included swordfish with lemon juice, wild rice, and lightly steamed broccoli (all in very appropriately sized proportions) with a glass of water.  I stuck to one reasonable plate of supper at my sister's house.  The only indulgence was a decent-sized rice krispy bar with some kind of butterscotch on/in it.  I am way too tired to figure out calories; I shoulda been in bed already. 

Last note:  yesterday (or was it the day before that?) I got a killer deal on a clearanced jacket (originally $89; I paid just under $14).  I am feeling so good about my progress that I bought the jacket in 3 sizes.  After all, with this job I will ALWAYS need a good black jacket, and I definitely intend to shrink 2 or more sizes before I am done.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

retracking tracking & future snacking

The bad news:  it's Wednesday night and I haven't blogged any diet or exercise this week.

The good news:  I have done serious workouts every day this week.  AND I have been careful about my food, too, though I haven't written it down.

Starting a new job makes tracking everything hard.  Unlike my previous jobs, I can't get online and do a "quick entry" at this one - I am away from the internet (other than work emails) from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m.   And for the hour before and after.  

Pondering what to do about that.

Maybe I'll need to carry a little notebook and track it by hand.  


I am training right now, which means I follow the my predecessor around all day and do what she does.  She is not a snacker.  So I'm not able to grab a couple of light snacks a day, which is really optimal for weight control.  I get awfully hungry by lunch!  But the training is only a couple of weeks; after that I'll load my office up with healthy quick snacks and solve that problem.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

not stopping. not stopping. NOT STOPPING!!!

Okay I just realized I haven't been to this page since mid-Wednesday.  This is Sunday night.  NOT GOOD!!!

Better news:  I've been pretty consistent with the workouts.  My eating has been variable but overall reasonable...I THINK. 

I had a physical for my new job on Friday; if that scale matches the one at the YMCA, I've lost 6 pounds.  I need to check.  Maybe I'll get cozy with the tape measure tonight, too.

Lots in the works in my life.  New job.  New place (when I find one) in a new town.  Lots to process.  I need to not let the getting-in-shape resolution get smashed under the wheels of the change bus.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

back in the saddle

Okay.  I'm better enough to be back to real life today.

Breakfast in the usual yummy rut:  1 slice toast (110) with 1 tbsp Smucker's Natural Peanut Butter, chunky (105) and homemade apple butter (10), along with a big mug of hot tea with sugar and milk (65).

Had half a power bar (105) half an hour before my workout (and water of course.)

Workout was 30 minutes on the treadmill.  I used the programming more effectively than I have to this point; the "cardio" setting worked me through 300 calories!  How cool is that?!  

Snack when I got home was cinnamon toast (160). 

The world is an icy sheet.  Hiding inside (though I have to go back out again, somehow, tonight, to work.)

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

uninformative/skip day sort of thing

No food summary today.  I had an unusual day with unexpected good news and it was just different all the way around.  I know for sure that I blew my calories, but that's okay...I was being kind of celebratory and whatnot.  

Didn't work out today because I was still feeling pretty puny when I woke up.  Telling myself tonight that I need to focus on being well enough to work out tomorrow.  Can't slip off this good habit before it even has a chance to get started. 

Monday, January 18, 2010

unexciting summary

Took my biggest travel mug full of hot tea with sugar and milk (195) to work; it helped with the throat and whatnot.  

Lunch was a chicken pot pie (370) because I was in a hurry and in no mood to think (note to self:  I always feel the need to justify the pot pie...consider stopping with the pot pies already.) Nice glass of skim milk with it (95). 

Afternoon snack (other than tons of water) was half a power bar (105).

Supper was a big steak, broiled (275), garlic bread (150), mashed potatoes (80) with brown gravy (44), green beans (10) and a glass of skim milk (90).  Made special dinner because my son is waiting to see if he's being sent to Haiti for earthquake cleanup.  It makes a mom want to be sweet, you know?

Calorie total for the day, then, is 1869.

I did not work out today because I'm still feeling pretty puny.  Letting the body heal.

beginning to recover

Good news:  Saturday night, I did not binge.  I was done with calories after that last post.  Mostly because I wasn't awake much longer.

I slept that night in the recliner, since my attempt to lie down just resulted in a lot of choking.  Rough night of sleep.  I still felt so terrible in the morning that I stayed home - no church, even.  Spent my day in a fog of sleeping and reading.  I didn't track my diet closely, but I think it was fine.  I remember a whole pot of tea with sugar and milk, half a jug of apple juice, usual (peanut butter toast) breakfast, and lunch and supper were both that homemade soup with crackers and half a grilled cheese sandwich.  Didn't snack at all; the fluids were what I needed.  

I was able to sleep last night in my bed.  OH BOY does that feel good after a night of not.

Got up at 4:45 this morning.  Well rested, since my nose and throat were at peace through the night.  When I woke up, THEY woke up.  Thank God for Puffs with lotion.  Sneeze, sneeze, cough, blow, blow.  Story of my life right now.  I took some Claritin and am (im)patiently waiting for the effect to kick in a bit.  Gotta be at work very soon.  Taking a tankard of hot tea with sugar and milk with me; I'll refill with juice for the afternoon, on my lunch break.  I can do this.  

Breakfast was the usual.  1 slice toast (110) with 1 tbsp Smucker's Natural Peanut Butter, chunky (105) and homemade apple butter (10), along with a big mug of hot tea with sugar and milk (65).  And then another tea too (65).  Apple juice (100) while writing this.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

soup n crackers soup n crackers

Nursed a class of orange juice (120) all afternoon, to keep the throat from icking up.

Supper:  soup (200), half a grilled cheese sandwich (160), 10 chicken flavored crackers (150), cup of orange juice (120).

Total so far today:    1505

I didn't work out again today, since I still feel like road kill.  So I'll need to be careful not to binge and push the calories skyward in my self-pitying state. 

blechy saturday

Still feeling quite un-wonderful.  Up at 5:30 this morning because I couldn't breathe well and was tired of choking.  

Breakfast was 1 slice toast (110) with 1 tbsp Smucker's Natural Peanut Butter, chunky (105) and homemade apple butter (10), along with a big mug of hot tea with sugar and milk (65).

Worked the morning shift at the Y.  Nursed a super-sized mug of hot tea with sugar and milk (130) the first 2 hours.  Half a power bar (105) partway thru.

Lunch was a big bowl of that homemade soup (200) and 10 chicken flavored crackers (150).

I have an overwhelming urge to eat and eat.  I think I'm just craving comfort because I feel wretched.  Better go do something else (sleep?  maybe...) that will get me out of the kitchen. 

Friday, January 15, 2010


Chicken pot pie (370) 

1810 is the running total for the day.

getting through

Had another partial bowl of soup in the afternoon (100) and 5 saltines (60) with one cup of orange juice (120).  

Early evening:  1 slice toast (110) with 1 tbsp Smucker's Natural Peanut Butter, chunky (105) and homemade apple butter (10), along with a big mug of hot tea with sugar and milk (65).

Switched types of med from Dayquil to 24-hour Claritin, per my mom's advice.  Here's hoping for improvement.  

At 1440 calories thus far today.

whining out the summary

I'b sick.  My froat herts. By sinuses are draining.  Whiny fer shur.  Wahhhhh!!!!

No workout today.  I know some hardcore sorts who say push through and you'll be better.  Research shows me that's only true for the sniffles.  I'm sicker than sniffles by a lot.  No workout today.  

4 a.m. juice so I could breathe and not choke - 1 cup Grape/Cranberry (130)

Cinnamon toast (160) for breakfast with another cup of that juice (130)

Homemade chicken soup for lunch.  Hard to figure the calories; in the big pan were 1 chicken leg quarter (cooked 7 hours), a bunch of turnips and carrots, a few brussels sprouts, a lot of salt, bouillon and pepper, a bay leaf, and a very few noodle rings of the spaghettio like shape.  Looks to me like the whole giant bowl shouldn't have been more than 200 calories tops (and that's probably guessing way high.)  Also had 10 saltines (120) and another cup of that juice (130). 

So it's just after one and I'm at 870 calories.  I'm kind of too sick to care right now about my success or failure in the diet arena today. 

Thursday, January 14, 2010

aghkghkghhhhh my throat....

This afternoon contained 6 large mugs of hot tea with sugar and milk (390).  Darn this river of drainage in the back of my throat!

Ran late getting home from Bible study tonight; the son was gone when I got here.  So I ate leftovers, kind of:  tacos.  

4 hard shells (240)
1 cup black beans (220)
1/4 cup lean ground beef (95)

2 tbsp salsa (8)

Drinking water, chewing gum, taking medicine, trying desperately to head this wicked icky off before it settles deep into me.  Argh.  If something doesn't take effect soon, I'll be sleeping in the recliner tonight so I don't choke all night.  Looks like I'm going soup shopping tomorrow, as soon as I get my paycheck.

Not really caring about calories in my life at this moment, but I'll stop and count them anyway.  


eating in front of others, and lunch

I worked 10-1; awkward working right through ALL of my possible lunch times.  I took an apple and a power bar along for snacks, but didn't eat either; there were consistently a lot of people at the front desk.  The reason that matters to me:  I find that some people are utterly unruffled if you eat around them.  They barely notice, or of they do, it's in a minimal/pleasant way.  And then there are other people...even some people I like VERY MUCH...who respond differently.  Who watch with sort of an icky fascination...I can see the measuring of amounts of food and spare pounds on this bod...the processing within, all while trying to act like it's nothing...and it really makes eating in front of them Not a Pleasant Thing.  I don't know this to be true of ANY of the very nice people who were around my desk today; it was the unknown "will they be cool, or will they make me feel like Jabba the Hut while I eat" factor.  So I didn't have any snack.  

Came home HUNGRY!  Default setting:  leftovers!

3 hard shells (180)
1/2 cup refried beans (140)
1/4 cup lean ground beef (95)

1/4 cup tomatoes (8)

And a glass of diet coke (yeah, it's not good for me...but it's calorie free!!)

I feel ickiness in the back of my throat, like maybe I'm trying to get a cold.  I don't want a cold.  

Gonna go make me some hot tea to help the throat.  But first:  calories for the day thus far...


Okay, that's room to work.