Tuesday, February 25, 2014

fell down. standing back up.

Wow.  THREE MONTHS since I posted here.  THREE MONTHS! 

If you were going to guess how I'm doing on my quest to love my body while neglecting the naked blog for three months, what would you guess?

If you said something like probably not good news - BINGO.  When last I posted (in NOVEMBER), my husband and I were dealing with his brutal work schedule, which required us to get up at 2:15 AM many mornings in order to get him to work.  It was not a body-friendly schedule.  Not a sleep-friendly schedule.  Not a workout-friendly schedule.  It was sucking away his life and it wasn't much fun for me either.  Among the casualties of that battle was my focus on loving my body.  It just kind of went out the window.

So.  I am back.  Three months later, and I don't wanna know how many pounds heavier.  The pants I am wearing are so tight I almost can't wear them - and they are the ones that sat in the "give to goodwill because they're embarrassingly freakin' huge" basket for months.  That's a bummer. 

I'm not weathering it well.  I'm eating terribly and my poor husband is dealing with my daily angst about the shape I am in.

But this is not a bad news blog!  HERE'S THE GOOD NEWS:  I gave up the fight to stay outside (that just wasn't working in 50 below zero temps and icy streets) and we joined a gym.  This morning was our first time as members.  We have access to it 24/7, which should work just FINE with our schedule, no matter what our schedule does, eh?  There are enough machines that we shouldn't have to wait.  And it has tons of weights, which is very appealing to my husband (and perhaps my sucky attitude about weights will change as I lose some pounds and I'll try 'em too.) 

Starting over can be discouraging, since results come so slowly.  But I am leaning in to remember all that I have been through in the past 2 or 3 years.  I know more.  I haven't lost everything I've learned and all my growth and change during this dip - I've just lost touch with it.  I'm moving in the right direction to reconnect with it now.  And I have the love and support and good humor and constant companionship of a man who never does even one thing to make me feel bad about the current condition of my body.

That's a blessing, for sure.