I played a getting-to-know-you game at my first small group meeting last night for church called "2 Truths and a Lie." It's a fun game - if you haven't played it, the gist is each person tells 2 truths and a lie, and everyone in the group has to guess which one is the lie. I've played this before at other small groups and find it to be fun, though coming up with the lie is always hard (2 people in our group told 3 truths! LOL) but I had the perfect one - NO ONE guessed mine right. My 3 items were:
1. I have a degree in Business Administration
2. I run more than 7 miles per week
3. I used to be a youth pastor
Most everyone guessed number 2 was the lie and I think somebody guessed number 3 - NOBODY got it right. I KNEW this would be the case, since my level of fitness is still cleverly hidden under a nice thick layer of fat! If you've known me all along, you know how much shrinking I've done. But if you don't...I'm just another overweight lady, I reckon. (And if you don't know, the lie was #1...my degree is in Latin.)
I haven't weighed since that doctor visit, but presuming I'm roughly at the same weight, I still have 75 to 100 pounds to go before I reach what doctor charts say my weight should be. Happily for me, I'm not shooting to please anyone's charts or cause anyone to look and me and say, "She must be a runner." Happily for me, I am seeking to let God teach me how to love my body, and my measurables for that today are:
1. I am very pleased almost every day when I finish getting dressed and do the once-over in the mirror. I am really having fun picking outfits and accessories and such.
2. I find joy in doing things that are good for my body. I like to move it. I like to feed it stuff that will make it more and more healthy. I care about what happens to it. I'm not tempted to abuse it with bad food and such when I'm having a bad day. None of these things were really ever consistently true before the last 16 months of the journey.
3. I love the way my muscles feel when I run, and I love the amazement in me at what I can do out there on the street or on my bike.
4. I even love the way I can feel my leg and butt muscles when I walk. I might still LOOK like all cellulite there, but underneath I can feel the toning, and it feels good.
5. I am fascinated by the science of what to eat, drink, expose myself to or not. I find I am becoming more and more a student of that, but it's in a recreational, fun way...not some frantic search to find the key to making myself look acceptable in others' eyes.
6. I care about my longterm health. I have always taken it for granted in the past. Working in senior housing makes me aware that I can't take it for granted. Loving my body for real means looking into longterm health issues from every angle - NOT FROM FEAR, but from love.
I like these barometers of loving my body. Oh, I don't live in a rosy, all is perfect world. I'd still like to see me slimmer than I am. I still don't like the roll of fat that ploops over my belt most days, and I'm NEVER gonna like that cellulite. I still really noticed when the 1 other runner who is sometimes out when I am out in the mornings...who is usually going in the opposite direction as me...came up behind me this morning and absolutely SMOKED me, ran by me like I was standing still...oh yeah, I was aware that I am no athlete of the year. Still, 16 months into the journey, I love my body and myself about a hundred times better than I did on January 1 of 2011, and THAT is a gift.