Today's breakfast: one slice multigrain toast (110 calories), 2 tbsp Smucker's peanut butter (210 calories), crabapple jelly (50 calories) and 1.75 cups of skim milk (160 calories).
Thinking exercise thoughts this morning in the shower left me discouraged. It's really easy to not even try. I have lost 50 or more pounds on several occasions, with the biggest number being 67 pounds, if I remember right.
I did Susan Powter's "Stop the Insanity" program, which was all about counting fat grams and exercising. It worked wonderfully. I lost weight and had lots of energy. Eventually, I just stopped.
I did the "Weigh Down Workshop." Right now I can't remember that lady's name. Her program was faith-based and operated on the premise that if I'll stop idolizing food and running to it every time I feel empty...and if I'll just eat until I'm full and not eat one bite more, no matter how good it is, no matter how special the occasion, no matter whose feelings might get hurt...then I can allow my body to operate in the miraculous way God created it to. I didn't even have to focus much on "what" I ate as long as I paid attention to the principles above. It worked. I remember eating small, reasonable portions even AT THANKSGIVING that year and feeling really great. Food was no longer my master. I loved that program. Eventually, I just stopped.
I did the Weight Watcher's "Fat and Fiber" program, which was about counting fat grams and fiber every day. It worked wonderfully and I learned A LOT about what food does in my body. Eventually, I just stopped.
I worked out with a trainer at the Y where I used to work. She had formerly been overweight but is now a Very Hot Lady. I didn't really want to work with her because I thought she'd find my big sweaty body so disgusting. But you know she was AMAZING. She taught me how to use the weight room, a place I had not felt comfortable even walking through. I could use every machine effectively and with proper technique, and the big, buff guys in there didn't even phase me once I knew what I was doing. I found out which things I really loved (stuff that felt good, released my aggression, and added energy to me) and I learned how to press through the stuff I hated. She eventually had me going hard on the elliptical machine for 50 minutes a day...I remember that it felt GREAT to push past "I can't do this" and actually go until my shirt was soaked through with sweat. Then life threw some busyness in front of me and I just stopped.
Those were the most effective things I found, though I've played with other plans and schemes over the years that have had varying success...things like the regular Weight Watchers program, straight out counting calories, various diet shake programs, and a rather lazy version of the South Beach Diet. All of which had me focused this way this morning in the shower: "Why even try? Why even start? I'm just going to stop eventually anyway. I never make it through to my goal and I never stick with any of it permanently, even when I feel like I can't imagine ever going back to sloth."
Well writing this all down has helped shift my attitude, at least for the moment. I have succeeded many times in losing more weight than a lot of people could even imagine losing. For now I need to focus on heading that direction...and let God do the finishing work in me that will make it stick.
Father, do in me all that I cannot do for myself....PLEASE!
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