Sunday, July 17, 2011

dance, little girl, dance

I spent some time yesterday at an Ethnic Arts Festival, which included a lot of listening to music under shade trees.  I noticed little girls in pretty dresses, dancing without inhibition to the music.  They know the day is beautiful, their dress is beautiful, they are beautiful, the dance is beautiful.  There is no element of embarrassment or self-consciousness there.  I must have felt like that at some point, right?  I mean, I WAS a little girl!  But as far back as my memory goes, I can only remember feeling awkward and embarrassed and not as pretty as others around me.  Wonder what makes us cross that line?

The clothes I've been choosing for the past I don't know how many years have had one aim:  don't notice me.  I have mostly avoided prints and colors in favor of solids...mostly black, but also some browns and (dark) blues.  There have been a few exceptions to that, but not many.  My aim has been to blend, to not embarrass myself, to not cause someone to look twice and maybe have a negative opinion about the size of my (insert any number of body parts here).  

I'm noticing that as I have started dropping in sizes, that trend is changing.  I am more open to colors and prints.  I look for things that are actually PRETTY.  I don't even mind wearing something that is going to make people say so.  

I find hope in that.  Maybe I'm headed in the direction of the mentality of those pretty little girls in pretty little dresses.  That'd be okay with me.

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