One of the reasons I write (and there are many) is that I frequently have no earthly idea what I know until it runs off my fingers, through the keyboard, and startles me as it turns up on the page. This happens to me quite frequently. The most recent instance was this past Friday morning. I was writing out my gratitude list (I do one most every morning), and suddenly I saw a pattern I had written 3 things I was grateful for...and they were all about being given the grace and stamina to deal with being exhausted in different situations. DING! The light went on, and I realized....that sneaky little sucker is back. Ohhhh no you don't!
Sure, it had been 2 busy weeks...sure, I had some early mornings, some long work days, some late nights...but that thing that attaches itself to me and forces me to sleep...it AIN'T from any of those things, folks. It leaves tracks across my life, and I've been walking around for years not seeing it. This time, though, the evidence on the page lit up my understanding, and before I wrote one more word, I stopped and prayed, reclaiming the ground that had been lost again and sending that icky little thing on out of Karen Territory. Truth: I was wiped out before I prayed, and was reset to "just fine, thank you very much" immediately upon noticing and praying. And it hasn't pestered me all weekend, despite way too much road time, despite early mornings and being up wayyyyyy past my bedtime, despite making not the most stellar food choices.
In a meeting with a friend and a pastor earlier this week, the pastor had mentioned that when we are delivered of things that are pestering us, when we are in Christ, it's like we have a "No Trespassing" sign in us. BUT just like in the world we know, trespassing signs get ignored sometimes. And when something has had a lot of permission for a long time to hang out in our lives, it is often fairly persistent in trying to find its way back in past the sign. I believe that's the case between me and that thing that caused me so much exhaustion...that's been an issue for most of my life, and so I don't suppose it wants to be permanently separated from its right to mess with me. Color me prepared for repeat action, where it may be necessary.
In other news, I was sorely tempted not to run this morning. I am still at my son's house (leaving after I write this) but I have all my running gear with me. The plan was to run. But then last night he and I were having so much fun with all our technology toys that I totally lost track of time....like, as he was serving up dinner he mentioned ironically that it was 10:45 PM, and I just about fell out of my chair. I thought it was about 6 PM! Not kidding!
So I went ahead and ate supper, because I was hungry and it was yummy...and I even ate more than I should, knowing the lateness of the hour. As I bid him good night, I said I didn't know if I'd make it up to run, and he told me I should just take a break. And really...that sounded good. After all, we took a nice bike ride yesterday before lunch. It's not like it was a zero-exercise weekend! And I had stayed up way too late, after all. Maybe I'd just skip it.
But as I was going to sleep with my belly uncomfortably full of food and my legs a little achy, I realized: I am going to spend 3 hours driving today. Driving makes me sleepy AND it makes my legs swell. Running combats both of those issues. The most hateful thing I could do for this body on this morning was to skip my run!
So I was up and out at 7, sluggish and not at all graceful, but I DID do the full run, and my body is already thanking me, and my mind is clear and feels less likely to try to nod off on me on the interstate.
Check it out: exercise is its own reward in my life today!