Monday, December 5, 2011

early early in the morning, and loving amidst a backslide

Part of my 40 day prayer project includes 40 minutes daily as part of my "first fruits" of the day given to the Lord.  Now, you understand...I was already getting up at 5 AM to fit in my run, my shower, my breakfast, my readings, my grat list, and whatever blogging I might do before I go to work.  NONE of those items are negotiable - they are gifts the Lord has given me to add depth and joy and grace to my life, and I won't surrender them.  And I very much want to do the 40 day prayer project thing. current waking time on MWF is 4:25 AM.  

Here's the nifty thing I found last week and again this morning:  when I choose to do something that seems way too hard (like getting up at 4:25 AM) in order to be obedient to God or to put Him first in some way...He adds the increase.  I actually have been waking about 5 minutes BEFORE the alarm, well rested.  I have had quite a bit more pep in my step as I go out the back door for my run.  I don't for a minute think this is just some physical phenomenon - that somehow my body prefers the earlier hour.  It's just God covering the part of this that my body won't do on its own, and THAT, my friends, is pretty darn groovy.

In other news, I have thought in the past week or two that I've stopped losing weight, which hasn't surprised me, as amidst wrestling with loneliness, food has been an issue.  This morning I no longer "think" it, I know it.  I didn't weigh - I can just note it in the way my clothes fit.  Happily, since what I am doing is not at all about numbers, either on the scale or in the tags of my pants, I don't have to fall into a funk over this fact.  I am letting God teach me to love my body.  If I only loved A PERSON when they were doing well, and detested them when they stumbled, then the truth would be that I truly didn't love them at all.  Same goes for this body.  So I'm struggling, and even backsliding a bit.  This would NOT be the time to fall into self contempt.  This is the time to love my body, and to keep "beginning again" until I am back in a better groove and the backslide has been not only arrested, but reversed.

End of story.

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