My doctor is actually a nurse practitioner, and also happens to be one of the coolest human beings on planet earth. I stopped to see him after work tonight, to discuss whether I may or may not be diabetic.
Visiting the doctor means getting on the scales. While I was at it, I asked how much I weighed last time I was there (which was not long before the beginning of this blog, which was late February). The good news: I weigh 9 pounds less today than I did at the last visit. The bad news: At that last visit, I weighed 22 pounds more than my memory had said I did. Oy vey.
The excruciating current number is 278. I can't believe I am publishing it. Damn naked blog.
The doc and I discussed my life. I described my work and ministry schedules, general sleep patterns, and the way I carry others' pains in my heart. When we were done, he said, "Of course you are tired...how could you not be?" Then we had amazing conversation about God's intentions for us here on earth...moving in purpose and not by "shoulds"...heredity and aging...and What Really Matters in the Big Picture. He gave me permission to live and just be me, and did nothing even resembling a lecture. He's even higher on my hero list than he was this morning, and that is high praise indeed.
He also scheduled me a fasting glucose test, cholesterol labs, etc just to put numbers on a page for certainty (I'll probably do those Friday morning). He noted that in 2005 when I was terrified of diabetes and showing more alarming signs than now, my numbers were "exquisite" and that my blood pressure today was excellent.
Then he basically sent me back out to live on purpose.
I can do that.