Last week contained almost no exercise for me at all. I missed Monday's run as I was in Chicago and had left my running shoes in Iowa. Wednesday and Friday both brought more lightning than I was comfortable with for running. My schedule and the weather also prevented me from biking to work even once. Let me tell you, MY BODY OBJECTED. My body and mind are very connected and in agreement these days: exercise is a good and welcome thing, and its absence brings sluggishness and generally not feeling as well.
So it was a beautiful thing to get back out there for the run this morning. My muscles were very tight and stretching was much harder than usual, but again, my body and mind are very connected these days. Felt FANTASTIC to work the stretch, to get out there and move. I love feeling my running muscles come alive. I love feeling very clearly the reshaping that continues to happen. This body, that I spent my whole life hating, resenting, ignoring, abusing, and being ashamed of...well, let's just say God's grace is amazing. He really has taught me to love my body, which I had no idea was such an integral part of loving myself.
Also: on Friday and again last night I had fast food. Friday was because I was hurrying between tasks, and last night that was just the place I landed, with a group, and hadn't had supper. The change in me is still real: the fast food was very disappointing. It doesn't TASTE like loving my body. It isn't satisfying. It doesn't feel like a celebration, an affirmation, an encouragement, a bit of hope. My normal body-loving choices DO.
For all of the above reasons, I have hope that this isn't just another "skinny cycle" in a lifetime of the yo yo diet. I'm not "trying harder." I'm not "working a program." I'm not forbidden ANY food, EVER. I'm not counting calories or carbs or exercising any other food measurement program. I'm not trying to beat my muscles into submission with unwelcome workouts. I'm not defining my worth by inches or pounds or pants size. ALL I AM DOING IS LETTING GOD TEACH ME TO LOVE MY BODY. You know...like this: Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and all these things will be added unto you. The continual weight loss, the increasing fitness, the joy in movement, the ever-increasing understanding of nutrition...all that is "added" stuff and is NEVER the point of the story.
The point of the story is LOVE. It's the beginning, the middle, the end, the focus, the purpose, and all that really matters. The other details mind themselves, as I mind the mission. Meanwhile, every day I am healed a little more. Every day my mind and body are a little more connected - that's among the definitions of wholeness...and wholeness ROCKS. I recommend finding it.
Isn't God amazing?!