Wednesday, May 30, 2012

it seems pain is my teacher just now

Recently I developed a pain in my right foot and ankle.  I have no idea of its source.  I don't remember injuring it.  There appears to be no bruising or swelling, though it certainly FEELS both bruised and swollen much of the time.  It also feels arthritic some of the time.  And it falls asleep at strange moments for no discernible reason. 

My response to this has been varied.  First, I powered through and just ran on it, as I know from a lot of experience that if it's just stiffness, it'll run out.  And the pain did go away about halfway through that run (which was about 15 minutes later than usual, for running out general stiffness)...but after my run...OY it came back with a terrible vengeance.  I took a couple of days off of running, and that seemed to help, so then I ran again and it got worse again.  That has been sort of a round-and-round cycle for almost 2 weeks now. 

I googled to see if it is possible to get carpal tunnel syndrome in one's legs, as it sometimes feels kind of like that.  It IS possible - it's called tarsal tunnel syndrome.  Let's just say I am frantically hoping it's not that.  

I haven't wanted to go to the doctor for this.  I have wanted it to Just Go Away.  But I've realized in the past couple of days that my attitude was one of an attempt to not deal with reality as it is.  So, reluctantly (and protesting how much this is probably going to cost), I have resolved that when I get home from vacation, I'm going to get myself an appointment (and meanwhile YES I am praying for healing, though I tend to be of very little faith on that, no matter now many miracle healings the Lord does in dumb...I truly do depend on His mercy, when it comes to this hard head of mine.)  I can't let pain sideline me at this point, and I'm feeling quite sure that trying to "muscle through it" would NOT be an example of choosing to love my body.  

The Lord has brought me too far, on the front entitled "learning to love my body," for any turning back now. 

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