It has been a week of noticing my weakness.
Noticing my extreme reluctance and general bad attitude about changing our run time from pre-dawn to post-work. Noticing my body not adapting quickly to the change.
Noticing how slow I am in adapting to a new sleep schedule.
Noticing how hard I have to fight to eat in ways that will work with the new run schedule and the new sleep schedule.
And then today I was just WEAK and GREEDY all day long. A coworker brought donuts. Know how many I ate? THREE. Two in the morning, one in the afternoon. THREE. FREAKING. DONUTS. Cuz once I had had one, then I NEEDED more - such is the nature of the sugar junkie, and I know this, and I know the only way around it is not to start down that road. But start I did, and oh BOY did I run hard down it.
Furthermore, I was in a lunch meeting where we were served A LOT more food than I needed. Early in the meal, I reminded myself that I COULD just eat a small amount and let the rest of it go.
But that's not what I did. I ate it up. All the spinach salad. All the big bowl of pasta with breaded chicken and marinara sauce. All the buttery garlic bread. All the pineapple upside down cake. All, all, all.
I finally did better at supper, managing to eat in a way that shouldn't derail early sleep (I'm already 20 minutes past our bedtime, but hey, it will STILL be early when we get the lights turned out.) And hallelujah, thank you JESUS for my friend who made such a body-loving supper. A nice end to the day!
So. Tonight and tomorrow and all the days going forward, I can focus on the many failures of this week in my behavior, attitude, choices, etc.
I can say that I have a fresh start right this minute. I can refuse to speak condemning words to myself. I can go as gently with me as I would with you. I can do better NOW (which is the only thing I have the power to change - can't change the past or even the future - yet - but I CAN change NOW.)
So that's what I'll do. So long, suckish choices. Sorry we hung out so long. Hope I don't see you again soon.