My son Caleb is 23 years old and inspires me pretty much every time I spend time with him, whether it's politically, socially, or health-wise (and I think that inspiration runs both ways, which is fun.) He is an avid "fixie" rider, meaning his bike is of the "fixed gear" sort, which means basically 2 things:
1. It has no "speeds" for shifting.
2. The wheels only move exactly as the pedals do. There is no such thing as coasting. Forward or backward or completely stopped on the street are your 3 choices on a fixie.
I pretty much think he's crazy for loving his fixie, but he and his fixie friends assure me that I just don't know what I'm missing. Truth: I'm not interested in exploring that territory. I am a frequent user of "coast" mode and I love using the gears to navigate hills.
But whenever I ride with him I note how his bike is basically just an extension of his body. Really nimble and agile. It reminds me of when I was a teen on my beloved excessively high-strung horses - just a total connection, one moving with the other seamlessly and without thought. What a great high.
It has been nearly 3 years now since I bought Lulu in her wonderful pinkness. When I first got her, I was beyond terrified and clumsy on her. It was proof to me that I am no longer the wild, fearless, skinny little thing I was at 16. Every push of the pedals felt like taking my life into my own hands. The streets felt like potential corridors of death. Heck, it took me basically a year of riding to get to the point where I could stand on the pedals while coasting.
This past few months, I have begun to feel that connectedness with the bike. The joy of pushing the envelope, whether it's whipping 30 MPH down Main Street hill or just doing little swervy navigation. I grin like I'm 5 when I stand WHILE pedaling - this is a whole other world. Yesterday I navigated several construction zones with their uneven surfaces and gravel and such. This used to make my hands clench and my stomach twist in knots. Now the challenge just makes me happy all over, even though I'm still pretty slow and awkward as I rise to it.
I'm not 23 like my son. I won't be pulling his insane stunts anytime soon. But I do like growing into that feeling, bit by bit, that the bike is an extension of my body.
Wonder what that'll look like a year from now.
Monday, November 19, 2012
Sunday, November 18, 2012
one of those food photo blogs
I got blessed yesterday with leftovers from my parents' house - my mom is a lady who could (and would gladly) feed the entire world. She's where I get my love of feeding others. Having read the naked blog, she was on to my rice-and-beans diet and wanted to expand it a bit for me. So I came home with a grocery bag full of assorted leftovers and such. AWESOME.
So with the goodies from Mom and assorted various things I have lying around, here's what I made for my supper tonight, after a nice little hilly 17 mile bike ride in the perfect sunshine (can you say LOVE, JOY, HALLELUJAH?)
Little olive oil in the pan. Add garlic (about a teaspoon, minced), about a quarter of an onion, chopped, 4 baby bella mushrooms, chopped, handful of frozen green beans, and about half a can of rinsed garbanzo beans. Stir fry.
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Add a little handful of deboned, chopped chicken. And an actual ONLY ONE SERVING of cooked spaghetti (that's a very small amount, as compared to what most of us consider a serving. Salt and pepper. Stir fry some more.
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Add a little parmesan cheese and serve. Note: the important thing to do, if you're gonna eat pasta, is DON'T make it the main part of the dish...cuz pasta - and especially regular, not-whole-wheat pasta, which is what I had here - is excessively simple, way over-processed carbs (equals NOT a body-loving choice IMHO). (The other thing you could do there instead of spaghetti, is Shritaki noodles - great spaghetti substitute, methinks.) Veggies are the main part. Pasta is just a little element.
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This was a delicious, warm, satisfying meal. Portabello mushrooms give you a day's worth of Vitamin D, which is hard to come by. Garbanzo beans are insanely good for you - ditto the onions and garlic. Frozen is one of the most nutritious ways to get your green beans. Chicken...if you're gonna eat meat, it's a better choice than many (and trust me, the meal would be FINE without the chicken). Olive oil...c'mon...happy fats! And I went very light on the salt and parmesan, neither of which is really a beneficial item other than for taste. Give it a try! Nice change.
My crockpot pinto beans for beans and rice came out killer awesome and totally vegan...I'll try to share them sometime this week...and I've got some bean soup bubbling happily on the stove and promising warm comfort in days to come as well. Watch this space for recipes this week. Apparently that's the current trend!
So with the goodies from Mom and assorted various things I have lying around, here's what I made for my supper tonight, after a nice little hilly 17 mile bike ride in the perfect sunshine (can you say LOVE, JOY, HALLELUJAH?)
Little olive oil in the pan. Add garlic (about a teaspoon, minced), about a quarter of an onion, chopped, 4 baby bella mushrooms, chopped, handful of frozen green beans, and about half a can of rinsed garbanzo beans. Stir fry.
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This was a delicious, warm, satisfying meal. Portabello mushrooms give you a day's worth of Vitamin D, which is hard to come by. Garbanzo beans are insanely good for you - ditto the onions and garlic. Frozen is one of the most nutritious ways to get your green beans. Chicken...if you're gonna eat meat, it's a better choice than many (and trust me, the meal would be FINE without the chicken). Olive oil...c'mon...happy fats! And I went very light on the salt and parmesan, neither of which is really a beneficial item other than for taste. Give it a try! Nice change.
My crockpot pinto beans for beans and rice came out killer awesome and totally vegan...I'll try to share them sometime this week...and I've got some bean soup bubbling happily on the stove and promising warm comfort in days to come as well. Watch this space for recipes this week. Apparently that's the current trend!
Friday, November 16, 2012
on speaking terms with the body
It's nice, being on speaking terms with my body.
Tuesday morning I woke up before the alarm with a painful tummy. It was enough to bring me up into a sitting position and take away my (usually very easy) ability to sleep through. A couple of years ago...heck...this time LAST year...I wouldn't have had any solutions. My only response to such pain has always been:
1. Try to be very still, so as not to make it worse.
2. Try not to complain or get all emotional, as that only makes it worse.
3. Try to just ignore it.
4. Just muddle through.
All this time of letting God teach me to love my body, though, has had this wondrous effect: my mind and body are connected in ways they never were before. Perhaps knowing this will help you understand: before this adventure, I detested my body. Hated it as an enemy and a source of shame and contempt. Was adamant that, "I am not my body...my body just carries me around."
Today I am past the worst of that. I begin to understand that my body IS a part of who I am, and not just a vessel to carry around what REALLY matters about me. I am more whole than I have ever been.
The joy of that wholeness...I am learning how to ask my body questions and hear its answers. So when I sat, curled in pain on my bed from the pain, I didn't ignore it or just muddle through. I asked my body what was wrong. I listened. Felt. Listened some more. Some answers came to me.
Some of the pain was just simple muscle soreness from returning to running after being off for more than a month (if you have a little cute flat belly, you maybe haven't experienced the fact that carrying your gut around CAN cause soreness, when life gets bouncy.) That pain could be addressed with massage. It helped, a lot. But it wasn't the whole story.
Some of the pain was diet related. I mentioned before that I am on a mostly beans-and-rice diet right now, for financial reasons. You gotta drink plenty of water, if you're gonna eat that way. I mostly do. Monday, I didn't. Some of the pain was as simple as: stuff is crowded inside there and can't get uhhh moving without a little fluid. Two big mugs of hot water later that part of the pain left me.
A good hour of focused attention, meaning asking my body questions, listening, trying what I know to do, and listening some more...took the pain away. It hasn't returned to me since.
I'm pretty sure this stuff is elementary for a lot of you out there. Like, you've been doing it since you were little. Maybe you're shaking your head and thinking, "Duhhhh...." But this is for the rest of us, who have spent our lives as enemies to the very flesh that carries us everywhere we go. A story of hope, that it doesn't ALWAYS have to be like that.
If you can't hear what your body says to you, may I suggest one more time: step into the adventure of letting God teach you to love your body.
He'll blow your little mind.
Tuesday morning I woke up before the alarm with a painful tummy. It was enough to bring me up into a sitting position and take away my (usually very easy) ability to sleep through. A couple of years ago...heck...this time LAST year...I wouldn't have had any solutions. My only response to such pain has always been:
1. Try to be very still, so as not to make it worse.
2. Try not to complain or get all emotional, as that only makes it worse.
3. Try to just ignore it.
4. Just muddle through.
All this time of letting God teach me to love my body, though, has had this wondrous effect: my mind and body are connected in ways they never were before. Perhaps knowing this will help you understand: before this adventure, I detested my body. Hated it as an enemy and a source of shame and contempt. Was adamant that, "I am not my body...my body just carries me around."
Today I am past the worst of that. I begin to understand that my body IS a part of who I am, and not just a vessel to carry around what REALLY matters about me. I am more whole than I have ever been.
The joy of that wholeness...I am learning how to ask my body questions and hear its answers. So when I sat, curled in pain on my bed from the pain, I didn't ignore it or just muddle through. I asked my body what was wrong. I listened. Felt. Listened some more. Some answers came to me.
Some of the pain was just simple muscle soreness from returning to running after being off for more than a month (if you have a little cute flat belly, you maybe haven't experienced the fact that carrying your gut around CAN cause soreness, when life gets bouncy.) That pain could be addressed with massage. It helped, a lot. But it wasn't the whole story.
Some of the pain was diet related. I mentioned before that I am on a mostly beans-and-rice diet right now, for financial reasons. You gotta drink plenty of water, if you're gonna eat that way. I mostly do. Monday, I didn't. Some of the pain was as simple as: stuff is crowded inside there and can't get uhhh moving without a little fluid. Two big mugs of hot water later that part of the pain left me.
A good hour of focused attention, meaning asking my body questions, listening, trying what I know to do, and listening some more...took the pain away. It hasn't returned to me since.
I'm pretty sure this stuff is elementary for a lot of you out there. Like, you've been doing it since you were little. Maybe you're shaking your head and thinking, "Duhhhh...." But this is for the rest of us, who have spent our lives as enemies to the very flesh that carries us everywhere we go. A story of hope, that it doesn't ALWAYS have to be like that.
If you can't hear what your body says to you, may I suggest one more time: step into the adventure of letting God teach you to love your body.
He'll blow your little mind.
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
stiff feet and beans and rice
Took a lot of stretching this morning before my run, and then it was a very slow one. That's to be expected - I was feeling the effects of Monday's run after so long off the road. Still, it was delicious to be out there in the chill.
Navigating the business of these arthritic feet is interesting. I had to stop and decide this morning - is that pain, or just stiffness? Loosening my shoelaces helped with the first bit of throbbing. I remembered the x-ray I was shown, how there is extra stuff grown on the bones on the top of my feet, so it made sense that maybe that pain was just excess lace pressure. That tactic worked enough to get me out on the street. Feet were fine for the first 2.25 miles, and for the last quarter mile it went from stiff to OUCH. So I'll be dragging the bags of frozen peas out of the freezer at work today to ice my feet while I sit there working. I am NOT willing, at this point, to give up running unless it is made crystal clear that there is no other option. Just love it too darn much.
This month and next, I am doing a bit of traveling for love's sake (a visit to my guy in Chicago, and a December introduction to my soon-to-be-born granddaughter, Ms. Eliana Mercy Glenn, in Kentucky). The travels don't fit in my budget (I have an actual budget now! But that's a whole other blog...), so I'm doing all manner of creative things to make it happen anyway. On the list: cutting food expense to as bare-bones as can humanly be done. What I'm grateful for: nearly 2 years of letting God teach me to love my body have been a good investment. I know now how to eat cheap and reasonably healthy, as opposed to cheap and basically ruining my health, one bite at a time. So from now through the end of 2012, I shall be enjoying the many ways that beans and rice can be concocted. While I look forward to a time when hopefully I can get back to eating a ridiculous explosion of fresh veggies, what better time than winter to test out this beans and rice business, eh? IT'S GOOD FOR ME.
Maybe I'll share a recipe or two.
Navigating the business of these arthritic feet is interesting. I had to stop and decide this morning - is that pain, or just stiffness? Loosening my shoelaces helped with the first bit of throbbing. I remembered the x-ray I was shown, how there is extra stuff grown on the bones on the top of my feet, so it made sense that maybe that pain was just excess lace pressure. That tactic worked enough to get me out on the street. Feet were fine for the first 2.25 miles, and for the last quarter mile it went from stiff to OUCH. So I'll be dragging the bags of frozen peas out of the freezer at work today to ice my feet while I sit there working. I am NOT willing, at this point, to give up running unless it is made crystal clear that there is no other option. Just love it too darn much.
This month and next, I am doing a bit of traveling for love's sake (a visit to my guy in Chicago, and a December introduction to my soon-to-be-born granddaughter, Ms. Eliana Mercy Glenn, in Kentucky). The travels don't fit in my budget (I have an actual budget now! But that's a whole other blog...), so I'm doing all manner of creative things to make it happen anyway. On the list: cutting food expense to as bare-bones as can humanly be done. What I'm grateful for: nearly 2 years of letting God teach me to love my body have been a good investment. I know now how to eat cheap and reasonably healthy, as opposed to cheap and basically ruining my health, one bite at a time. So from now through the end of 2012, I shall be enjoying the many ways that beans and rice can be concocted. While I look forward to a time when hopefully I can get back to eating a ridiculous explosion of fresh veggies, what better time than winter to test out this beans and rice business, eh? IT'S GOOD FOR ME.
Maybe I'll share a recipe or two.
Monday, November 12, 2012
back at it
This morning I finally got back out there for the run, after WAY TOO LONG away. First there had been my arthritic feet, egged on by the rainy weather, that stopped me. Then I had a wicked bad cold for 3 weeks that allowed me only to get up and go to work every morning, and cancel basically everything else in life in favor of sleep. But my body has healed and the rain has ceased and though my feet are stiff, they are not painful. So this morning I ran!
Late fall is here. It was 25 degrees when I got dressed this morning at 4:45. That meant running tights under the jogging pants and layered shirts and wool socks and gloves and even the ear warmer thingy, though it's not yet cold enough to need my mouth and nose covered. Beautiful, perfect running weather. Far better than summer. Put a bounce in my step.
Right before I got derailed, I had been starting to really work at improving my speed. I didn't work on that this morning. The goal was just to get out there and finish my 2.5 miles without walking. I am learning what a forgiving thing the body is...despite weeks away from running, I was able to pick it back up easily. Not the slightest need to walk. Heck, when I got up the incline of the bridge to the flat part, I even picked it up and hustled, which wasn't even a goal! So if you saw some chubby fool smiling her way across the Centennial bridge this morning way before sunrise and were irritated, my apologies. I don't like peppy people in the morning either.
I mentioned the body is forgiving. That ain't no lie, folks. Not only have I not been able to run in over a month, but also many factors in life have kept me mostly off my bike for most of that time as well. Have I gained a little weight? I think so, but I'm not gonna be silly enough to derail myself by stepping on a scale to verify that. I can still wear all the clothes I was wearing, so though I can feel places where weight is either increased or shifted badly, the fact is I can't be up more than 10 pounds total. And the number on the scale is an irrelevancy for me anyway. Truth is, God and I are still working out this gig of Him teaching me to love my body. He's still surprising me daily in the cool things He does.
The rest doesn't matter.
To all of you who have taken a moment to say you've missed the blog lately...me too. Thanks for the encouragement. I think maybe I'm swinging back to gear! May you be encouraged today as well.
Late fall is here. It was 25 degrees when I got dressed this morning at 4:45. That meant running tights under the jogging pants and layered shirts and wool socks and gloves and even the ear warmer thingy, though it's not yet cold enough to need my mouth and nose covered. Beautiful, perfect running weather. Far better than summer. Put a bounce in my step.
Right before I got derailed, I had been starting to really work at improving my speed. I didn't work on that this morning. The goal was just to get out there and finish my 2.5 miles without walking. I am learning what a forgiving thing the body is...despite weeks away from running, I was able to pick it back up easily. Not the slightest need to walk. Heck, when I got up the incline of the bridge to the flat part, I even picked it up and hustled, which wasn't even a goal! So if you saw some chubby fool smiling her way across the Centennial bridge this morning way before sunrise and were irritated, my apologies. I don't like peppy people in the morning either.
I mentioned the body is forgiving. That ain't no lie, folks. Not only have I not been able to run in over a month, but also many factors in life have kept me mostly off my bike for most of that time as well. Have I gained a little weight? I think so, but I'm not gonna be silly enough to derail myself by stepping on a scale to verify that. I can still wear all the clothes I was wearing, so though I can feel places where weight is either increased or shifted badly, the fact is I can't be up more than 10 pounds total. And the number on the scale is an irrelevancy for me anyway. Truth is, God and I are still working out this gig of Him teaching me to love my body. He's still surprising me daily in the cool things He does.
The rest doesn't matter.
To all of you who have taken a moment to say you've missed the blog lately...me too. Thanks for the encouragement. I think maybe I'm swinging back to gear! May you be encouraged today as well.
Saturday, October 27, 2012
focus shift
Hey look. Another 3 weeks went by between blogs. Ugh.
Here's where I am: the rainy season hit and the arthritis in my feet is crazy. I haven't run in quite awhile. And biking has been rare for the same reason. Ugh. I would say I have definitely gained weight, but happily I'm still in the same pants, so it's not too horribly much.
And happily, the goal is not weight-related anyway. It's about loving my body. Running anyway on arthritic feet in pain would not be love.
Along the way, I am discovering a shift in focus for this season. Less emphasis on exercise and food (though both are crucial for loving one's body and cannot be ignored) and more emphasis on just the simple connection of body to mind. I had them so completely disconnected from one another for...well...as far back as my memory goes.
I'm figuring out cause and effect...stuff that most of you probably already know about yourself, and I didn't know at all about me. Just the "when I do this, the effect on my body is that" kind of deal. It's way cool.
I've been sick for 5 days, just a bug going around my office. Even being sick is kind of a wonder, in the midst of all this mind-body connection. I can feel WHY I am coughing. I get the mechanics of it all, and not just the general feeling of yuck (and yuck ain't as bad when you understand what is happening, for some reason.) I can sense things happening in my body that were just beyond my notice before. It's still not fun being sick, but it is pretty astonishing to be this connected in the midst of it.
Earlier this week, I was able to take a lesson I've learned abundantly in the journey of letting Him teach me to love my body, and apply it to another area of my life. The lesson: quick obedience to His leadings is essential. When I hesitate, often all is lost. I got a leading that I really, REALLY didn't want to follow. I noticed Him reminding me about the lesson. I obeyed as fast as I was able, despite feeling like I might die in the process. Oh BABY He showed up.
Is that called real-life cross-training? LOL Whatever it is, I like it.
Happy weekend, all. May He blow your little mind today. :-)
Here's where I am: the rainy season hit and the arthritis in my feet is crazy. I haven't run in quite awhile. And biking has been rare for the same reason. Ugh. I would say I have definitely gained weight, but happily I'm still in the same pants, so it's not too horribly much.
And happily, the goal is not weight-related anyway. It's about loving my body. Running anyway on arthritic feet in pain would not be love.
Along the way, I am discovering a shift in focus for this season. Less emphasis on exercise and food (though both are crucial for loving one's body and cannot be ignored) and more emphasis on just the simple connection of body to mind. I had them so completely disconnected from one another for...well...as far back as my memory goes.
I'm figuring out cause and effect...stuff that most of you probably already know about yourself, and I didn't know at all about me. Just the "when I do this, the effect on my body is that" kind of deal. It's way cool.
I've been sick for 5 days, just a bug going around my office. Even being sick is kind of a wonder, in the midst of all this mind-body connection. I can feel WHY I am coughing. I get the mechanics of it all, and not just the general feeling of yuck (and yuck ain't as bad when you understand what is happening, for some reason.) I can sense things happening in my body that were just beyond my notice before. It's still not fun being sick, but it is pretty astonishing to be this connected in the midst of it.
Earlier this week, I was able to take a lesson I've learned abundantly in the journey of letting Him teach me to love my body, and apply it to another area of my life. The lesson: quick obedience to His leadings is essential. When I hesitate, often all is lost. I got a leading that I really, REALLY didn't want to follow. I noticed Him reminding me about the lesson. I obeyed as fast as I was able, despite feeling like I might die in the process. Oh BABY He showed up.
Is that called real-life cross-training? LOL Whatever it is, I like it.
Happy weekend, all. May He blow your little mind today. :-)
Sunday, October 7, 2012
even when it's ugly, it's beautiful
Wow, I haven't posted here in AN ENTIRE MONTH. Be assured: this is NOT a good sign.
I have been letting "busy" dictate my life. It has invaded both my work life and my personal life...not the productive "hoo boy, I sure am getting a lot done!" kind of busy, but that other one...the "hey, the water is up over my head" kind. Commitments, projects, the to-do list...all have been off the scale in the Entirely Too Much zone, and I've just been pushing as hard as I can to get through.
That does bad things with this "loving my body" gig.
It means I've got too many errands to do before/during/after work, so I drive instead of biking.
It means I put myself in positions where, sure, lots of food is offered...and 95% of it is stuff I try not to eat other than in tiny quantities anymore, having come to understand that white flour (who am I kidding? ANY flour...), white sugar, dairy, meat...these are all things that don't love THIS body (I'm not saying what's best for all y'all...just what I've been shown for ME.) And I haven't planned ahead well for better choices by either bringing my own or making a special request (making a special dietary request at a "free food" situation is still WAY outside my comfort zone...feels like being "high maintenance" when it's uhh "just because" I want to do better and not because some doctor wrote a prescription...dumb, when I read it on the page...) And on top of it all, I've been broke, so it's been a little trickier, that business of nutrition-bombing this body as I ought.
It means that in those moments, the exhaustion in my body translates to poor decision making and I eat, let's just say, UNtiny portions of said body-haters.
It means I stay up so late at night trying to get stuff done that I miss some of my runs, just desperate for a little more sleep in the mornings.
It means my defenses go down and when I'm feeling crappy all over, I forget and comfort myself with bad food, thereby making myself feel crappier all over-er.
A good thing that has come out of 3 really bad weeks, in the "letting God teach me to love my body" department: I am clearer than ever that I absolutely DO NOT want to go back to living the way that I used to before this great challenge.
Eating poorly makes me feel poorly. I cannot BELIEVE I used to walk around feeling that bad all the time and not even realizing it...or, when I even realized I felt bad, I definitely never connected it to my diet!
Not getting enough exercise makes me tired. I can now hear the way my body cries, pleads, BEGS me to get out and move. Today I spent the afternoon out on my bike, exploring places I've never been before, including a beautiful, quiet country road lined with gorgeous trees and cornfields, and a little narrow dirt path on an island. It was like returning to the best stuff from my childhood. I was really like a little kid, laughing nervously aloud as I careened on that crazy outside-my-comfort-zone dirt path. My body was singing its gratitude. I've been working to make amends to it for the food crimes of the last 3 weeks.
Along the way, I'm pretty sure I've gained a little weight. Not so much that my pants don't fit. But enough that I notice it in my belly and around my face (though some of the face stuff is surely just from the insane amount of sodium...can you say "puffy?") Here's the cool thing: ZERO SELF-HATRED has come with the probable weight gain. I see it, I have compassion for me, I work to turn the other direction. I don't feel uglier, less worthy, embarrassed, horrified, ashamed.
This letting God teach me to love my body gig...hey...even when it's ugly, it's beautiful.
I have been letting "busy" dictate my life. It has invaded both my work life and my personal life...not the productive "hoo boy, I sure am getting a lot done!" kind of busy, but that other one...the "hey, the water is up over my head" kind. Commitments, projects, the to-do list...all have been off the scale in the Entirely Too Much zone, and I've just been pushing as hard as I can to get through.
That does bad things with this "loving my body" gig.
It means I've got too many errands to do before/during/after work, so I drive instead of biking.
It means I put myself in positions where, sure, lots of food is offered...and 95% of it is stuff I try not to eat other than in tiny quantities anymore, having come to understand that white flour (who am I kidding? ANY flour...), white sugar, dairy, meat...these are all things that don't love THIS body (I'm not saying what's best for all y'all...just what I've been shown for ME.) And I haven't planned ahead well for better choices by either bringing my own or making a special request (making a special dietary request at a "free food" situation is still WAY outside my comfort zone...feels like being "high maintenance" when it's uhh "just because" I want to do better and not because some doctor wrote a prescription...dumb, when I read it on the page...) And on top of it all, I've been broke, so it's been a little trickier, that business of nutrition-bombing this body as I ought.
It means that in those moments, the exhaustion in my body translates to poor decision making and I eat, let's just say, UNtiny portions of said body-haters.
It means I stay up so late at night trying to get stuff done that I miss some of my runs, just desperate for a little more sleep in the mornings.
It means my defenses go down and when I'm feeling crappy all over, I forget and comfort myself with bad food, thereby making myself feel crappier all over-er.
A good thing that has come out of 3 really bad weeks, in the "letting God teach me to love my body" department: I am clearer than ever that I absolutely DO NOT want to go back to living the way that I used to before this great challenge.
Eating poorly makes me feel poorly. I cannot BELIEVE I used to walk around feeling that bad all the time and not even realizing it...or, when I even realized I felt bad, I definitely never connected it to my diet!
Not getting enough exercise makes me tired. I can now hear the way my body cries, pleads, BEGS me to get out and move. Today I spent the afternoon out on my bike, exploring places I've never been before, including a beautiful, quiet country road lined with gorgeous trees and cornfields, and a little narrow dirt path on an island. It was like returning to the best stuff from my childhood. I was really like a little kid, laughing nervously aloud as I careened on that crazy outside-my-comfort-zone dirt path. My body was singing its gratitude. I've been working to make amends to it for the food crimes of the last 3 weeks.
Along the way, I'm pretty sure I've gained a little weight. Not so much that my pants don't fit. But enough that I notice it in my belly and around my face (though some of the face stuff is surely just from the insane amount of sodium...can you say "puffy?") Here's the cool thing: ZERO SELF-HATRED has come with the probable weight gain. I see it, I have compassion for me, I work to turn the other direction. I don't feel uglier, less worthy, embarrassed, horrified, ashamed.
This letting God teach me to love my body gig...hey...even when it's ugly, it's beautiful.
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