breakfast: grape nuts cereal (300) and skim milk (75) with sugar (135)
coffee w/sugar when i got to work (135)
lunch: can of tomato soup (225), 10 saltines (120), PB&J sandwich (370)
calories so far today: 1360
I have dinner plans with a friend I haven't seen in way too long. And I need to not eat after 6 pm, so that I can do my labs in the morning. Wonder if I'll make loss or just maintenance today...looking a little ominous. PB&J just sounded so darn good.
BTW I put my true weight into the calorie calculator last night, and actually my weight loss zone is at 1914 calories (38 higher than I thought before). Not that it matters, but it entertained me to find out.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
and the doc says....
My doctor is actually a nurse practitioner, and also happens to be one of the coolest human beings on planet earth. I stopped to see him after work tonight, to discuss whether I may or may not be diabetic.
Visiting the doctor means getting on the scales. While I was at it, I asked how much I weighed last time I was there (which was not long before the beginning of this blog, which was late February). The good news: I weigh 9 pounds less today than I did at the last visit. The bad news: At that last visit, I weighed 22 pounds more than my memory had said I did. Oy vey.
The excruciating current number is 278. I can't believe I am publishing it. Damn naked blog.
The doc and I discussed my life. I described my work and ministry schedules, general sleep patterns, and the way I carry others' pains in my heart. When we were done, he said, "Of course you are tired...how could you not be?" Then we had amazing conversation about God's intentions for us here on earth...moving in purpose and not by "shoulds"...heredity and aging...and What Really Matters in the Big Picture. He gave me permission to live and just be me, and did nothing even resembling a lecture. He's even higher on my hero list than he was this morning, and that is high praise indeed.
He also scheduled me a fasting glucose test, cholesterol labs, etc just to put numbers on a page for certainty (I'll probably do those Friday morning). He noted that in 2005 when I was terrified of diabetes and showing more alarming signs than now, my numbers were "exquisite" and that my blood pressure today was excellent.
Then he basically sent me back out to live on purpose.
I can do that.
Visiting the doctor means getting on the scales. While I was at it, I asked how much I weighed last time I was there (which was not long before the beginning of this blog, which was late February). The good news: I weigh 9 pounds less today than I did at the last visit. The bad news: At that last visit, I weighed 22 pounds more than my memory had said I did. Oy vey.
The excruciating current number is 278. I can't believe I am publishing it. Damn naked blog.
The doc and I discussed my life. I described my work and ministry schedules, general sleep patterns, and the way I carry others' pains in my heart. When we were done, he said, "Of course you are tired...how could you not be?" Then we had amazing conversation about God's intentions for us here on earth...moving in purpose and not by "shoulds"...heredity and aging...and What Really Matters in the Big Picture. He gave me permission to live and just be me, and did nothing even resembling a lecture. He's even higher on my hero list than he was this morning, and that is high praise indeed.
He also scheduled me a fasting glucose test, cholesterol labs, etc just to put numbers on a page for certainty (I'll probably do those Friday morning). He noted that in 2005 when I was terrified of diabetes and showing more alarming signs than now, my numbers were "exquisite" and that my blood pressure today was excellent.
Then he basically sent me back out to live on purpose.
I can do that.
calorie summary for the day
Well, I lost the battle against the baked goods at work. I complained to my coworker that they were calling my name, and she promptly delivered them to my desk. Note to self: don't complain about impulse control issues to coworker. I caved when those chocolate chocolate chip cookies were in front of me. (400) I did drink 2 bottles of water, in penance.
Supper was leftovers. Cheese ravioli w/onions, peppers, sauce and grated parmesan (270), along with garlic bread (300), homemade coleslaw (100), and skim milk (150).
Total calories so far: 2095. I have frozen fruit thawing in the kitchen, and I'm salivating over it. So I guess I'll enjoy it and just have a straight maintenance day.
Supper was leftovers. Cheese ravioli w/onions, peppers, sauce and grated parmesan (270), along with garlic bread (300), homemade coleslaw (100), and skim milk (150).
Total calories so far: 2095. I have frozen fruit thawing in the kitchen, and I'm salivating over it. So I guess I'll enjoy it and just have a straight maintenance day.
sometimes success means trying for the zillionth time
Well I never did remember to come back to the 'puter yesterday to summarize, did I?
Perserverance is unlovely sometimes. I have been reminding myself today that when I started "cleaning up" spiritually it looked a lot like this: tons of good intentions, oceans of rebellious moments, failure upon failure upon mortifying failure, but also slow growth. I am a long way today from where I started on that process (about a decade ago). I need to keep at the business of "cleaning up" physically, even though I feel like I drop the ball continually.
I got a friendly reminder from an old high school friend this morning as I was about to walk out the door - an encouragement well good timed. Thanks, T!
This afternoon is my doctor appointment, where we will discuss whether I need a blood test. The good part: this means I can check my weight, too. The other good part: my doctor is the bomb! I actually look forward to conversations with him.
breakfast: cereal (120) and skim milk (50)
coffee w/sugar to start my work day (135)
strawberries for snack (30)
lunch: clam chowder (420) and saltines (120)...not good choices but I was hurrying and lazy as I figured out lunch before leaving this morning, so that's what went in the bag.
Calories so far today: 875
Note to self: I have not been drinking water all week. I need to get back on it.
There are lots of baked goods here at work today. I want them really badly. Grrrr.
Perserverance is unlovely sometimes. I have been reminding myself today that when I started "cleaning up" spiritually it looked a lot like this: tons of good intentions, oceans of rebellious moments, failure upon failure upon mortifying failure, but also slow growth. I am a long way today from where I started on that process (about a decade ago). I need to keep at the business of "cleaning up" physically, even though I feel like I drop the ball continually.
I got a friendly reminder from an old high school friend this morning as I was about to walk out the door - an encouragement well good timed. Thanks, T!
This afternoon is my doctor appointment, where we will discuss whether I need a blood test. The good part: this means I can check my weight, too. The other good part: my doctor is the bomb! I actually look forward to conversations with him.
breakfast: cereal (120) and skim milk (50)
coffee w/sugar to start my work day (135)
strawberries for snack (30)
lunch: clam chowder (420) and saltines (120)...not good choices but I was hurrying and lazy as I figured out lunch before leaving this morning, so that's what went in the bag.
Calories so far today: 875
Note to self: I have not been drinking water all week. I need to get back on it.
There are lots of baked goods here at work today. I want them really badly. Grrrr.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
let's do this
Didn't sleep very well last night. Lots and lots of things on my mind. Woke at 4 to finish a blog that had been trying to find its way out since Saturday morning.
Just finished my peanut butter toast (peach jam yummm). Too low on milk to have any of that. Bummer. I will count calories later; the agenda for now is write down the darn food so I can't forget.
Didn't yet succeed...but trying, trying again.
Just finished my peanut butter toast (peach jam yummm). Too low on milk to have any of that. Bummer. I will count calories later; the agenda for now is write down the darn food so I can't forget.
Didn't yet succeed...but trying, trying again.
summary of yesterday
I had so much on my mind that I forgot to eat breakfast, and forgot that I forgot until 11, when I was suddenly desperately hungry.
Behaved for lunch. Did drive-thru McDonalds, not even trying to be good, between work and my last ever City Council meeting. Quarter pound cheeseburger, fries, chocolate shake...I was bad as I wanted to be. After the meeting: lovely time at the former Mayor's house. Good food. I did not try to behave.
So much for accounability.
Behaved for lunch. Did drive-thru McDonalds, not even trying to be good, between work and my last ever City Council meeting. Quarter pound cheeseburger, fries, chocolate shake...I was bad as I wanted to be. After the meeting: lovely time at the former Mayor's house. Good food. I did not try to behave.
So much for accounability.
Monday, May 4, 2009
back again, back again, jiggity jig
Well I have neatly dodged 3 days of the diet blog. I feel a little silly even coming back here, with the failure rate I'm currently running, but I also feel like I can't just quit trying. I will face this thing and not ignore it.
I am getting a blood test to put to rest the question of whether I am diabetic. Didn't hear back from my doctor's nurse on that last Friday, so it's on today's agenda.
I am getting a blood test to put to rest the question of whether I am diabetic. Didn't hear back from my doctor's nurse on that last Friday, so it's on today's agenda.
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