It was okay when I first woke up, but the effort of showering sent it into yuck land and here I am. Coming into the kitchen, it threatened to take the situation over.
Meh.
Summary from yesterday: I ate 10 saltines before bed, so that bumps my count up another (120) for a day's total of 1440. I have no idea if that's good or bad on a day that I mostly slept, but I suspect that my body's ummm activity canceled all of it anyway.
Ew.
Breakfast today: one slice whole grain toast (100) and a 1 tsp homemade peach jam (20) with a cup of 7up (100).
Not doing this day is not an option, so we're gonna do it.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Monday, March 16, 2009
one wasted day of my life
Today I have mostly slept, with short intervals of being (sort of) awake.
I have eaten:
2 packages of chicken ramen soup (not at the same time, but I have no earthly idea other than one was sort of "lunch" and one was sort of "supper"): 760
3 pint glasses of grape kool aid: 360
1 pint glass of 7up: 200
Calories for this almost-sleep-only day, so far: 1320
Diddling with the Wii, making lots of Miis because I am too exhausted to do anything that takes actual effort. Think I'll test and see if I can do it reclining.
I have eaten:
2 packages of chicken ramen soup (not at the same time, but I have no earthly idea other than one was sort of "lunch" and one was sort of "supper"): 760
3 pint glasses of grape kool aid: 360
1 pint glass of 7up: 200
Calories for this almost-sleep-only day, so far: 1320
Diddling with the Wii, making lots of Miis because I am too exhausted to do anything that takes actual effort. Think I'll test and see if I can do it reclining.
being sick sucks
Yesterday I went from "fine" to "hmmmm something's not quite right" to "oh golly kill me now" in a very short period of time (unfortunately I was in the midst of a large family gathering when it hit me).
Stomach stuff is no fun. Up every 20 minutes or so in the night. In between stumbling, wobbly dashes for the bathroom, I was under 3 comforters with that strange feeling of "I am burning hot but I can't get warm no matter how hard I try." I presume that was a fever.
I hope I didn't infect others. Really it came on so fast I didn't quite know how to react.
I ate some stuff there before I got sick, but even trying to remember what it was makes my stomach flip. It probably doesn't matter since my body didn't exactly do normal processing. There will be no attempt at calorie counting for yesterday.
Trying to gather enough courage to eat some soup or something right now.
*groan*
I'm out.
Stomach stuff is no fun. Up every 20 minutes or so in the night. In between stumbling, wobbly dashes for the bathroom, I was under 3 comforters with that strange feeling of "I am burning hot but I can't get warm no matter how hard I try." I presume that was a fever.
I hope I didn't infect others. Really it came on so fast I didn't quite know how to react.
I ate some stuff there before I got sick, but even trying to remember what it was makes my stomach flip. It probably doesn't matter since my body didn't exactly do normal processing. There will be no attempt at calorie counting for yesterday.
Trying to gather enough courage to eat some soup or something right now.
*groan*
I'm out.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
breakfast and a better fitting t-shirt
Breakfast: whole wheat toast (100), 1 tbsp smucker's all natural peanut butter (105), homemade peach jam (60), 1 cup skim milk (90).
Today after church I will be at my parents' house, as my brother is home visiting from Phoenix. Mom is great at coming up with amazing food that is not a calorie disaster, so I think it will all come out okay.
Off to church! Oh, I almost forgot to share this happy news: this morning I am wearing my "THIS SHIRT IS ILLEGAL IN 52 COUNTRIES" t-shirt, which fits me now. When I got it, it would go on me, but it was the kind of tight that made me not want to wear it. You know, like tight across the belly and needed to be tucked in so that it wouldn't roll up and expose my fat. Today it feels right, and this is good. Who knows, before long, maybe I'll be able to wear my "JESUS LOVES PORN STARS" shirt...it's still tight like that I think...but I'm closing in on it.
Now. The question of WHERE I can wear that shirt without causing undue anger...
Today after church I will be at my parents' house, as my brother is home visiting from Phoenix. Mom is great at coming up with amazing food that is not a calorie disaster, so I think it will all come out okay.
Off to church! Oh, I almost forgot to share this happy news: this morning I am wearing my "THIS SHIRT IS ILLEGAL IN 52 COUNTRIES" t-shirt, which fits me now. When I got it, it would go on me, but it was the kind of tight that made me not want to wear it. You know, like tight across the belly and needed to be tucked in so that it wouldn't roll up and expose my fat. Today it feels right, and this is good. Who knows, before long, maybe I'll be able to wear my "JESUS LOVES PORN STARS" shirt...it's still tight like that I think...but I'm closing in on it.
Now. The question of WHERE I can wear that shirt without causing undue anger...
super saturday without a precise count
Well once again I am updating the morning after. Yesterday my daughter and I had a list of errands we needed to run in the Quad Cities, and we had also been given free hockey tickets. We combined it all, so that we left home at 3 pm and were gone until something like 11. One of the errands was grocery shopping and we are now loaded down once again with good stuff we can actually eat. We also went out for supper at one of our favorite restaurants, called Habaneros. We love it for the good food, low prices, and consistently charming help (I get especially tickled that at both locations we visit, there is at least one guy who calls us fun names like "muchachos" and sits at the table with us a moment while taking the order). We also like the fact that the serving sizes are reasonable, because if you give us an enormous plate of food, we WILL eat it. It's the way we are made. At Habaneros, we get enough to get pleasantly full and we don't walk out groaning from being overly full. Yes, we should have more willpower than that, but this is the naked blog and I am being nothing but real here.
I ordered differently than usual, as something called the "taco loco" looked really good. I got it with grilled chicken instead of beef, but it turned out not to be the best choice I could have made - it had guacamole, sour cream, and lots of cheese in it. And it was pretty big. I am not going to guess at the calories.
Having eaten supper at something like 4 pm, we were hungry during the game. I had Whitey's ice cream (moose tracks, to be precise) and it had 540 calories.
So the calories that I know from yesterday were 1335. I am thinking even with that taco loco, my day's end total was probably somewhere between my loss total of 1876 and my maintenance total of 2376. And you know, that's okay with me.
If I had ten or even thirty pounds to lose, I might be very stringent and uncompromising in how I do this. But DUDE. I have 100 pounds to go. This is probably a two-year proposition. Realistically, I am not going to hit the mark every single day. If I try, I am going to tank and go right back to where I started. This is a life change, not a "diet," though I refer to it as such because it's an easy way to talk.
Onward and upward.
I ordered differently than usual, as something called the "taco loco" looked really good. I got it with grilled chicken instead of beef, but it turned out not to be the best choice I could have made - it had guacamole, sour cream, and lots of cheese in it. And it was pretty big. I am not going to guess at the calories.
Having eaten supper at something like 4 pm, we were hungry during the game. I had Whitey's ice cream (moose tracks, to be precise) and it had 540 calories.
So the calories that I know from yesterday were 1335. I am thinking even with that taco loco, my day's end total was probably somewhere between my loss total of 1876 and my maintenance total of 2376. And you know, that's okay with me.
If I had ten or even thirty pounds to lose, I might be very stringent and uncompromising in how I do this. But DUDE. I have 100 pounds to go. This is probably a two-year proposition. Realistically, I am not going to hit the mark every single day. If I try, I am going to tank and go right back to where I started. This is a life change, not a "diet," though I refer to it as such because it's an easy way to talk.
Onward and upward.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
power breakfast a little before noon
Breakfast late enough to be lunch: bowl of old fashioned oatmeal (150) with 3 tbsp sugar (135) and 1/4 cup skim milk (25), plus an awesome omelette made of:
3 medium eggs (195)
2 tbsp onion (8)
1 small potato (128)
2 small peppers (30)
1/4 cup tomatoes (8)
1/2 slice bacon (25)
4 olives (16)
1/2 ounce asiago cheese (55)
and I'll figure the oil at 1/2 tsp (20)
Total calories: 795. Now THAT'S a breakfast! Heh. Good thing it's gonna be a 2 meal day...
3 medium eggs (195)
2 tbsp onion (8)
1 small potato (128)
2 small peppers (30)
1/4 cup tomatoes (8)
1/2 slice bacon (25)
4 olives (16)
1/2 ounce asiago cheese (55)
and I'll figure the oil at 1/2 tsp (20)
Total calories: 795. Now THAT'S a breakfast! Heh. Good thing it's gonna be a 2 meal day...
unsmelling and unknowing - body awareness thoughts
I lost my sense of smell sometime in my twenties; 99% of the time, I smell nothing at all, even when an odor is overpowering everyone else in the room. Occasionally I get a few seconds of that sense back, and I absolutely relish it. It behaves weirdly in those times; one time at a Pampered Chef party, I was busy gleefully breathing in the aroma of bell pepper filled with salsa (absolutely delicious) while everyone else in the room was choking on the simultaneous stench of burnt chocolate.
The point of the above paragraph is that I lost my sense of smell "sometime in my twenties." I don't know when - that's how bad my level of body awareness has been in my adult life. Other people notice when their skin is dry, when their lips are chapped, which foods cause unwelcome reactions in their bodies...but from sometime in my twenties until just the past couple of years, I had pretty much no awareness of these things. The first I became really aware of this was maybe four years ago, when I started to notice that I would sit or lay (or is it lie? who cares...) in a truly uncomfortable position without even noticing my own discomfort for a very long time. It was "new" to me to feel that my neck didn't like how fat the pillow was and was developing a crick.
These days I am becoming increasingly aware of how my body feels and how it works. I suppose that I stopped listening to it along about the time I passed some magic line on the scale - it was probably a hate reaction. I don't "know" this, but I think I'm probably right about that reason.
I am greatly encouraged that these days I notice stuff that is second nature for others to know about their bodies, like when my skin wants lotion or when my body is protesting something I've done. I suspect this is part of the long journey God has taken me on, away from self-loathing and toward seeing myself through His merciful and loving eyes.
When I was in high school, we had a college student aide for awhile in my social studies class. She was very overweight, and I was entirely too aware of that. I recall staring her up and down daily and asking myself why she hadn't noticed she was getting fat and stopped it before it happened. I was one unmerciful little snot in my insecurity (recall that I already thought I was an Enormous Cow by then in all of my size 10 glory).
I've thought more than once that my weight issues were at least in part a punishment for how horrible I silently was to her at that time (I still feel so apologetic every time I think of her, and I DO think of her).
But the point of this little ponder is that I ended up much heavier than she was, and a lot of that happened because I simply stopped really hearing from my body at all. Countless times over the years, I have been shocked when I've caught myself in the mirror or seen a picture of myself - something in me has said, "hey, when did THAT happen?"
Body awareness can go too far, I am sure. But ability to hear what one's body is saying, I think, is one of the keys to not landing in the I-need-to-lose-100-pounds place.
So maybe I am finally finding my escape.
The point of the above paragraph is that I lost my sense of smell "sometime in my twenties." I don't know when - that's how bad my level of body awareness has been in my adult life. Other people notice when their skin is dry, when their lips are chapped, which foods cause unwelcome reactions in their bodies...but from sometime in my twenties until just the past couple of years, I had pretty much no awareness of these things. The first I became really aware of this was maybe four years ago, when I started to notice that I would sit or lay (or is it lie? who cares...) in a truly uncomfortable position without even noticing my own discomfort for a very long time. It was "new" to me to feel that my neck didn't like how fat the pillow was and was developing a crick.
These days I am becoming increasingly aware of how my body feels and how it works. I suppose that I stopped listening to it along about the time I passed some magic line on the scale - it was probably a hate reaction. I don't "know" this, but I think I'm probably right about that reason.
I am greatly encouraged that these days I notice stuff that is second nature for others to know about their bodies, like when my skin wants lotion or when my body is protesting something I've done. I suspect this is part of the long journey God has taken me on, away from self-loathing and toward seeing myself through His merciful and loving eyes.
When I was in high school, we had a college student aide for awhile in my social studies class. She was very overweight, and I was entirely too aware of that. I recall staring her up and down daily and asking myself why she hadn't noticed she was getting fat and stopped it before it happened. I was one unmerciful little snot in my insecurity (recall that I already thought I was an Enormous Cow by then in all of my size 10 glory).
I've thought more than once that my weight issues were at least in part a punishment for how horrible I silently was to her at that time (I still feel so apologetic every time I think of her, and I DO think of her).
But the point of this little ponder is that I ended up much heavier than she was, and a lot of that happened because I simply stopped really hearing from my body at all. Countless times over the years, I have been shocked when I've caught myself in the mirror or seen a picture of myself - something in me has said, "hey, when did THAT happen?"
Body awareness can go too far, I am sure. But ability to hear what one's body is saying, I think, is one of the keys to not landing in the I-need-to-lose-100-pounds place.
So maybe I am finally finding my escape.
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